Reconnecting with old friends

Friends can be a very important part of a person's life. I've never been one to have a gang of friends, but the ones I do have are of extremely high quality, and I really appreciate them.

There are friends that you see on a regular basis and talk on the phone with constantly. Some friends you see on an occasional basis. There are friends you talk to once a month just to catch up and some you hardly ever see, but keep in your heart.

My husband and I lost contact with a very special friend and it hurt us a lot. He had some issues with drugs and was going through some things. We knew what city he lived in, but had no address or phone number. We really missed him and worried a lot about him as well. It's been more than ten years since we saw him last.

Well, Monday our dear friend and his girlfriend came to visit. I knew he would be at my house and I was so excited. All I could think of while I was at work was seeing my long lost brother. I paused at the door when I got home because I realized that I wasn't sure what to expect. Years of drug use and hard living can take a toll on a person.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. He came over to give me a hug and I cried. He looked so good! I don't think i've ever been happier to see someone. He looked so healthy and strong. I was so relieved. I feel like crying right now.

As soon as I sat down, the jokes started, or should I say continued. My husband is one of the funniest people I know and they were already laughing. We started talking about old times and reminiscing. I kept looking at our friend because I couldn't believe he was really there and I was happy he looked so great and had his life on track.

Our friend has gone through some things, but he's been clean and sober for three years. He doesn't drink, or even smoke cigarettes. We even went to a bar! He drank soda all night. I'm so proud of him. He has a good job, a good woman, and a good life. It shows on his face.

There's nothing like reconnecting with someone special that you haven't seen in a while. Our friend and his girlfriend left this morning and I really miss them. I haven't laughed as much as I did with them in a long time.

Appreciate your friends!

Who decides what's beautiful?

So, I was watching the news and they were talking about the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. The topic was the little girl who was not allowed to be on camera singing because it was thought that she wasn't pretty enough. This little girl is seven years old.

Here she is:



Here is her replacement:



They're both very cute. It makes no sense that this is already starting. Females are judged at such an early age. It really made me sad to think of how that little girl must have felt. To make matters worse, she was told a few minutes before she was suppose to go on. How disgusting is that? And people wonder why young girls have so many self-esteem issues.

I was in the beauty parlor the other day and as I was about to sit under the dryer when an older woman touched my cheek and said, "You have such a pretty face, baby." I politely said thank you and sat down. I was bothered the entire time I was under that hot ass dryer. Why do people not know that statement is nowhere near being a compliment? If I was smaller would I just be pretty? Sure I would.

Who decided smaller was prettier? Who says that a little girl with a chubby face and missing teeth isn't beautiful?

How did we get here? Do we not care about our children's feelings anymore? I've seen this topic discussed on a few different shows and, for the most part, people don't seem to think it's a big deal. What about the little girl who thought she was going to be a part of the ceremony? I can only imagine what she's going through, but not many people seem to care.

For the most part i'm a pretty confident person, but now and then self esteem issues creep up on me. There was a time when I wouldn't wear bright colors because I thought they would make me look bigger. I still don't wear sleeveless shirts because I think my arms are too big. Don't get it twisted, I love myself. What people think doesn't really bother me, but there are times when it makes me sad that most people would never think i'm beautiful because I have a few extra pounds on my body. How could it not? I'm a human being with feelings.

I know one thing, I don't want to be compared to Monique. People have told me I look like her because she's the only plus size woman they can think of. I don't look anything like her. She pisses me off. She prides herself on being this champion for what she calls Phat girls. I think she's a bit of a buffoon. The Parkers disgusted me because she was running after some man and making a fool of herself. Would she have been chasing him that way if she wasn't full figured? I'm tired of watching her stuffing food in her face and talking about how big gals needs to eat. I don't think that's cute at all. That's not the role model I want for little girls, or even women, struggling with weight issues. I know she's a comediane, but you can be funny without being clownish. That's just my opinion. Monique does not represent me, even though she thinks she does.

Sometimes when you're "plus size" your weight is more of a concern for other people than it is for you. Some people think you can't be happy or feel good about yourself. They don't think you can be stylish either. I think a lot of my big sisters believe the latter. I have walked down the street and seen women who I know have given up on themselves. It's all in the way they walk, talk, and dress. I want to grab them and tell them to pull themselves together. We can look just as cute as the next chick.

I remember going on vacation and when I put my bathing suit on one of the people I was with said, and I quote, "It doesn't even look bad." I had to stop my hand from smacking the hell out of them. What the hell did they expect? I laughed it off and chalked it up to ignorance. Some smaller people just think they're the greatest thing in the world and a big chick could never look good in a bathing suit. Whatever!

How boring would life be if we all looked alike? I actually lost some weight at one time, but I put it back on. I'm a little disappointed, but i'll survive. Plus, the thing is, I don't want to be a size 6. I don't mind shopping at Lane Bryant. I'd like to have a flatter stomach, but I love me. I don't feel the need to apologize or explain who I am. I'm me and if my weight bothers you, then leave me the hell alone.

Attention People:

Don't tell me I have a pretty face, it's not a compliment.
All plus size women don't sit around crying about their weight.
I am fabulous!
I have more than enough haters to deal with, please don't add to the list.
Get your own ish, why you riding mine?

To all the big, brilliant, bodacious, blatantly beautiful, babes out there, hold your head up sweetie. You got it going on and don't let anybody tell you any different. "You are beautiful no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down." Be you girl, you're just as marvelous as the next chick.

I'm a pisces

The Astrological birth sign of Pisces (February 19 - March 20) is usually associated with being extremely creative, sensetive, and artistic, as well as a healthy fascination with the metaphysical and spiritual.

Pisces are the most intuitive and spiritually developed of the zodiac birth signs. Aptly called "old souls", Pisces thirst for spiritual knowledge and personal growth. They are the twelfth, and last, of the Zodiac signs, and as such, tend to have a more finely tuned intuition, sixth sense or extrasensory ability to perceive others feelings.

The duality of the Pisces personality is best described as a constant ebb and flow, back and forth, straddling the physical, material world and the ethereal, divine realm where Pisces vivid imagination, powerful intuition and creative daydreaming feel like home.

Pisces are creators. Pisces are common as inventors, writers, musicians, painters, and dancers. Pisces make great friends and mates. Pisces are extremely loyal and caring. Pisces often possess uncanny intuitive or psychic abilities.

PISCES - February 19 - March 20 Pisces is the 12th sign of the Zodiac and is represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. The two fish symbolize the internal struggle of the soul within a Pisces. Often, the fish are swimming away from each other in a circle representing life after death or reincarnation. Pisces is considered a feminine or negative sign. Feminine signs are considered more passive, receptive and sensitive than masculine/positive signs.

Pisces are sensitive, humane and often idealistic. People born under this sign react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them. Rather than taking an analytical approach to life, pisces react to the feelings of others and as a result can be very influential when they choose to be. In the right situation a Pisces can be capable of incredible deeds. The positive nature of a Pisces and the fact that they are tuned into the feelings of others makes them socially popular.

Being able to read and react to situations makes Pisces one of the most adaptive signs in the Zodiac. They are very intuitive and as a result can be flexible and prosper in many different situations. The intuitive nature of Pisces also makes them a very creative and imaginative sign. Pisces are often artists, writers and dreamers. The strong intuition of a Pisces can also mean that they are very spiritual.

ELEMENT: Water
Pisces is one of 3 water signs in the Zodiac, all of which share similar characteristics. Water signs are typically sensitive, emotional (sometimes vulnerable), creative, sensitive and melancholic. The other water signs in the Zodiac that share these characteristics are Cancer and Scorpio.

PLANETS: Jupiter & Neptune
Two planets, the lucky Jupiter and sensitive Neptune rule Pisces. Jupiter, lord of the gods, fuels a thirst for knowledge and understanding in Pisces and provides a natural lucky streak for the sign. Neptune, king of the sea, provides the sensitive and spiritual qualities in Pisces. Neptune is associated with idealism and compassion, but also with confusion & deception making Pisces the most impressionable sign in the Zodiac.

http://www.pisces.com/

This is actually a good description of me. A couple of my favorite pisces, Char and Trixie, have the same characteristics. We're very sensitive people, even though some of us try to have a hard shell. We're very creative. I'm a writer, Char's a hair whiz, and Trixie writes poetry. We're definitely very intuitive. I'm pretty sure all three of us can size someone up after meeting them for a few minutes and be correct about the type of person they are.

I really identify with the two fish swimming in different directions. I'm always thinking, always torn in my feelings and reactions. Sometimes I over think things and I know this is true for my girls too. No matter how I try to overcome this, I can't. I think, think, think and stress myself out sometimes.

It amazes me when I read some of the zodiac descriptions and think of people that I know. For the most part, they're usually correct.

I had to show some Pisces pride. I'm usually surrounded by Scorpios who band together and think they're all that.

What's your sign?

Ujima - Cooperative Work and Responsibility

I was watching some of the opening ceremony for the Olympics last night and came upon a wonderful story. It's an important job to carry the country flag. The person who carries that flag is usually considered a hero or special in some way. Although Yao Ming, the center for the Houston Rockets, carried the flag for China the real hero was the person walking next to him carrying an Olympic flag in one hand and a Chinese flag in the other.

Walking next to Yao was a nine year old boy named Li Yao. Recently there was an earthquake in China that almost hit 8.0. It was a catastrophe. Almost 20,000 people were killed. Li, along with 30 of his classmates was trapped under rubble. He freed himself and instead of leaving he stayed and saved two of his classmates. When he was asked why he went back, Li said he was a class leader and hall monitor and it was his responsibility. He said he was doing his job and did not consider himself a hero.

What a beautiful thing. Li is nine years old and he's already taking his responsibilities seriously. He knows that he is his brothers keeper. There are grown people who will never gain that knowledge. They will take their selfishness to their grave. I'm a black woman and sometimes when I think of the crabs in a barrel mentality a lot of my people have it makes me extremely sad. I just don't understand it.

People will say there are a lot of reasons behind this kind of thinking, and I understand that, but when do we take responsibility for our actions? When do we reach down and try to help those who can't help themselves like Li did? We're all too busy worrying about what we have going on to go back and save someone. Is that not or responsibility?

We all have it in us. Some do it on a larger scale than others, but it all matters. There are little things we can do to reach back that we may not even realize. I think of my son, who is very quiet and reserved. He's not an activist. When he was in high school, he led by example. Throughout his senior year I spoke to brothers younger than him and they would tell me how they looked up to him because of the example he set. He was also a mentor. Being a good example is a wonderful way to reach back and show those younger than you how it's done.

My daughter is a pre-school teacher. What a thankless job teachers have. People get paid millions of dollars to play sports and make rich team owners more money and teachers, who shape the minds of our youth, don't get paid half as much as they should. It's terrible. My daughter is the first teacher most of her students will ever have. I've seen her in action and she is wonderful. I respect anyone who takes the responsibility of passing knowledge on to our children.

When thinking of Li and the Olympics, my mind went to something else that happened at the Olympics in 1968, the year of my birth. The civil rights movement was hot at that time. Our people were at war. A young sociologist named Harry Edwards formed an organization called the Olympic Project for Civil Rights and tried to get all black athletes to boycott the Olympics. The OPCR gained support from several world-class athletes and civil rights leaders but the all-out boycott never materialized.

It's always good to make your voice heard. You may not get the ressponse you want, but there's always someone listening. If you can affect one person, you have done well. Harry Edwards was heard by two Olympic track athletes named Tommie Smith and John Carlos. After winning the gold and bronze medal in the 200 meter race, Smith and Carlos knew they had to do something to make a statement.

When their medal ceremony began Smith and Carlos walked to the podium, shoes in hand, with their hands behind their backs. As the American flag rose and the Star-Spangled Banner played, the two closed their eyes, bowed their heads, and began their protest. They each raised a black-gloved fist in the air.



Smith raised his right fist to represent black power in America while Carlos' left, fist represented unity in Black America. Together they formed an arch of unity and power. The black scarf around Smith's neck stood for black pride and their black socks (and no shoes) represented black poverty in racist America. Carlos wore beads around his neck and when asked why he said, "The beads were for those individuals that were lynched, or killed that no one said a prayer for, that were hung tarred. It was for those thrown off the side of the boats in the middle passage. All that was in my mind.”

What a statement,so simple yet so complex, like James Brown telling Black people, "Say it loud, i'm black and i'm proud." People really do not realize what a huge statement it was to do that in the middle of the sixties when being Black was supposed to be something that made you feel less than.

Something seldom mentioned was that the 200m silver medalist Peter Norman of Australia (who is white), participated in the protest that evening by wearing a OPHR badge. Protest does not have to be loud or violent. It can also be subtle.

Both Smith and Carlos were suspended and banned from the Olympic village. They returned home to death threats and hard times. Neither one of them could find a job and ended up struggling for many years. The same thing happened to Norman when he returned to Australia.

Smith and Carlos did what they had to do because they felt it was their responsibility to make a statement for their people. They sacrificed so much. They were the ones with the courage to put themselves out there as examples and even though they ended up suffering for their decision i'm sure they would do it again.

Peter Norman passed away and Smith and Carlos were pall bearers at the funeral. Their experience bonded them together as brothers. John Carlos said, “At least me and Tommie had each other when we came home. When Peter went home, he had to deal with a nation by himself. He never wavered, never denied that he was up there with us for a purpose and he never said ‘I’m sorry’ for his involvement. That’s indicative of who the man was.”

We can all put a black-gloved fist in the air in our own way. It doesn't have to be something huge. When you are a good example, your fist is in the air. When you stand up to even the smallest injustice at work or wherever you may be, your fist is in the air. When you take responsibility for yourself and your brother/sister, your fist is in the air. When your positivity affects those around you, your fist is in the air. When you let people know that you are proud of who you are as a Black person, your fist is in the air. The smallest things can make a huge impact.

Keep your fist in the air!

I need a vacation

These pictures were taken in Cancun. I look at them every day because I need a vacation, and that was the best one i've ever had. I want out of the U.S. for a little while. I need to lay on the beach and relax. I need time away from the hustle and bustle.

I went to Cancun with my sister, Charlette, and my friend, Kecha, and we had so much fun! I need that in my life again. It's always good to get away, especially when you go with people you can have fun with. We had an absolute ball in Cancun. If you haven't been there, go!

I was reminising and I needed to get that out. Thanks for listening.....

First Love

Do you remember your first love? Were you head over heels? Did you lose all train of reasonable thought? Were you willing to do anything to be with the person you were in love with? Would you beg, borrow, and even steal to be in their presence?

I'm not really sure who my first love was. I thought I was in love when I was 14, but it wasn't that all encompassing, can't live without you love. It was more like first real boyfriend love. We didn't really do much together, but he knew my mother and sisters and they really liked him. I didn't ache to be with him when we were apart.

I met my husband when I was 16. The first day we met it was like we'd known one another for years. We were inseparable from the day we met at the 125th street train station. I did want to be with him all the time. Maybe that's why I was pregnant three months after we met. Too much time together. LOL! I knew I loved him. Now that I think about it, I think my current love was my first love.

I know a few people who have teenagers who are currently experiencing their first love. They all think they're going to get married and be together forever and will do anything to be together. Although my husband and I were in love when we were younger, and had a child together, we didn't call each other wife or husband and barely talked about marriage until a few months before we actually tied the knot.

This generation of teens is so different than we were. I'm sure our parents said the same thing, and theirs, and so on. It just seems like everything moves so fast in this day and age. They want everything NOW! A friend of mine has a 17 year old daughter who has started buying bridal magazines to prepare for the wedding she will have when she turns 18. She already calls her boyfriend her "hubby."

What's the rush? There's so much life to live. I feel like the teen years is the time when you should be enjoying every moment you have and beginning to carve out your niche in the world. All of your time or thoughts should not be spent on one person. It's the time to live. Keep rushing and the next thing you know bills are hitting you in the ass and you wish you were young again. Believe me, I know.

I would never complain about the way my teen years turned out. If things were different, I would not have the most intelligent, classy, beautiful daughter a mother could ever have. Giving birth to my daughter and seeing her become the woman she is now is one of the highlights of my life. I would not, however, want the same thing for my children. I want them to have careers and be adults before they even think about attaching themselves to another person for eternity. Life is too short to have things planned out too early.

Family Reunion.........Yay

The Pearson family will be having their reunion at the end of August. I am so excited. I haven't been to Sanford (NC) to see my family in a long time. I miss them all so much. We watched the Martin Lawrence movie, "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins," last month and it made me think of my family. We always have a good time when we're together. Even though I don't get to see all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins as often as I would like they're always in my thoughts and definitely in my heart.

I feel blessed to have my family. There are so many people who don't have that in their lives. I know a few people who don't get along with their family members. A friend of mine told me about someone on her job who hasn't spoken to her sister in over 20 years. I can't imagine that. They make sure that their children have a relationship, but they do not speak. That's crazy to me. I love my sisters. We don't speak every day, but there's no way I could go 20 years without talking to them. Sometimes I look at them and it amazes me that they're grown women with lives of their own. I'm a little older than they are, so I think I had at least a small part in raising them. I'm very proud of the women they have become.

My family life is blessed. I have wonderful children, a husband, my mother is still going strong, my niece is growing up to be a wonderful young lady. That makes me very happy. No one gets along all the time, but it's all about how you get through your problems. Family holds each other down, no matter what. I haven't seen my Sanford, NC family in a while, but theres's no doubt in my mind that they have my back. I definitely have theirs.

I cannot wait to see my folks. I remember when my grandparents had their house in the vineyards and I visited almost every summer. We ate the grapes off the vines and walked around with no shoes on. That red dirt was everywhere. Those are some of my fondest memories. My uncle used to drive the school bus and he would park it in the front yard. One day my cousin, Della, and I were in the bus and I decided I was going to turn the key. The bus started and Della jumped off. LOL! I was in the driver's seat, scared as hell. Luckily, I never touched the gas. Needless to say, we were no longer allowed on the bus.

I have so many good memories when it comes to my family and I hope to continue making more.

Should I Stop?

I'd always see other people's blogs and wonder how they got started. As a writer, any opportunity to share my thoughts is welcomed. With the encouragement of a friend, I decided to go for it. After I posted my first entry, I emailed my friends and family to tell them about what I had done. I was excited because I thought my blog would be a place where we could share ideas and, hopefully, others would visit.

It hasn't really worked out the way I liked and I was thinking about leaving the whole thing alone. That thought lasted for a little while until I realized that this blog is more about me than it is about other people. I'm a writer and I need to write. I just won't be the same if I don't. Anything that allows me to write is a good thing. All writers want people to read their stuff and i've gotten a lot of good feedback.

Starting this blog was a huge step for me because I hardly ever let people read the things I write. Writing is very personal for me. It's not easy to share with others. I think that's why I haven't tried to publish anything that i've written. In a perfect world I would make my living writing novels. I know that's not an easy thing to do, but it would be wonderful to make a living depending on my abilities.

I've been keeping my writing to myself for a long time. I was online shopping one day and noticed that the website I was visiting was having a writing contest. I decided to enter. A few months later I was sent an email telling me that I was one of the winners. I was ecstatic! It felt great to know that my ability was acknowledged. Winning made me feel so good and I decided that I would work harder to get my book done and published and write as much as I could. Even though i've always known that i'm a good writer, it was nice to have validation.

The blog and publishing books are two things that i've always wanted to do. I've accomplished one and i'm working hard on the other. I thank all of those who take the time to visit the blog and especially those who took the time to comment because that lets me know you were here. I may not get a lot of comments or have the most popular blog out there, but that's okay. I'm finally realizing that I don't want to write, I need to write and I will never stop.

I Can't Wait

So, i'm almost done with my book. I mean I am at the very end. It's a wonderful feeling. I can only imagine how i'll feel when it's done. I've been wanting to publish a book for a long time. I have boxes of things that i've written, but I never did anything with the stuff. When I started this book I was determined to see it all the way to the end.

I want to self-publish. I don't want anyone to tell me to change anything or keep most of the money and give me pennies. I've seen authors on the street selling their books out of their trunks. One young lady found a spot on 125th street and sold hers out of a grocery store shopping cart. That's what's up! I'm ready to hustle. It's all a part of loving what you do.

I know a couple people who have done what I would like to do. Check their books out when you have a chance. Buy a copy. Independent authors need all the support they can get. I hope to join the ranks very soon.

Caroline McGill does my taxes. She sells her books out of her desk and she also has a website.
Caroline's books talk a lot about the AIDS epidemic. Check her out. I was pleasantly surprised when I read her books. I actually couldn't put them down. They have a street edge, but with meaning. Her web address is www.synergypublications.com

One of my son's teachers, Bradley Huff, has published his book. The title is, "Alone Boy." It can be purchased on Amazon.com. www.amazon.com/tag/bradley%20huff/products I'm really proud of him. I saw him at the school one Saturday and he was really happy about the book being done.

I think we should support all independents trying to make it in the world. My friend, Cecil, is a music producer and he's currently producing his cousin, Shalea Silk, a very talented singer and songwriter. They've been working really hard and Shalea has been nominated for and Underground Music Award as Most Promising Female Singer. You can vote for her at www.hiphoppalace.com She is also on Clear Channel's New list. If she gets enough spins she'll be added to their radio rotation on two r&b stations in New York. Check her out. http://www.power1051fm.com/cc-common/artist_submission/player.html?art=146768 The song has to play for 3 minutes in order for the spin to count. Help them out.

Hopefully, i'll be joining the ranks, hustling to get my book sold soon. Stay tuned...

I'm a Writer

I'm a writer
It's what I do
I have words and ideas coursing through my veins
I'm a writer
I can't help it
I think, eat, and sleep ideas
I'm a writer
Remember my name
You'll see it on the cover of a book some day
I'm a writer
I can't help myself
Pen and paper excite me
Words ignite me
Thoughts provoke me
Even when i'm not writing
I'm a writer
It's the talent I was given
Before I was born
God said, "Let her write."
And placed me on this earth
To use my talent
And I do
I write when i'm happy
sad
and indifferent
It's the gift that has never been a curse
I'm a writer
It is my calling
I can make you laugh, cry, or smile
Just by putting paper to pen
I thank God every day
For blessing me with the one thing
That I know I was meant to do
I remember when I realized it
In sixth grade
A writing contest
And the winner is...
Me
At that moment I said to myself
I'm a writer
Fiction
N0n-fiction
Essays
Short stories
Poems
You name it
I'll do it
Cause
I'm a writer
It's what I do
I have words and ideas coursing through my veins
And they spill out onto the page
Flowing until the end of thought...

The Weekend

I had a wonderful weekend.I was off Friday and ended up going to see The Dark Knight with my husband and son. I really enjoyed the movie! Christian Bale may have taken Michael Keaton's spot as my favorite Batman. I love the way he rolls. He was good, but Heath Ledger stole the movie. His portrayal of The Joker blew my mind. I saw absolutely no traces of Heath. It was all Joker. Although I thoroughly enjoyed his performance, I became sad in the middle of the movie. It's a shame that he will not be able to enjoy the fruits of his labor. I'm sure he'll be nominated for several awards and he's gotten so much critical acclaim. Too bad he's not here to see it.I worked Saturday morning. Overtime is always a good thing. Saturday night I went bowling with some family and friends. We had a really good time. We always do. My husband and I had to wait a couple hours for everyone to arrive, but once they did the fun began. We played women against men. Anna (Cha Cha), Camille (Lola), Pearl (Sexi P), Lamika (Meekz), and I (Clozer) were against Gabe, Pierre, James, Issac, and Eddie.I'm sure they thought they were going to beat us. I bowled well the entire game, which surprised me because my first game usually sucks. The girls were doing well, but Sexi P was struggling a little bit. We got to the 10th frame, literally neck in neck, when she pulls through and bowls two strikes and barrels past her opponent. That's how ladies do, they always come through in the clutch!They tried to make me nervous and go before Eddie, who was my competition but it didn't work. I bowled a strike and a spare. We won by one point! It was so much fun. The guys, of course, did not take defeat well at all. It was so funny! It's a wonderful thing to be able to be in good company and not have to worry about nonsense.I love my family and friends so much. We always have a good time when we're together. That is a luxury a lot of people do not have. I consider myself very lucky.I'm at work once again, doing overtime. Sundays are so quiet. Tomorrow another work week starts. I'm glad I had a nice weekend.

Rap music...

I haven't bought a rap cd in a long time. To be honest, for the most part, i'm disgusted with most of what I hear. It's not the lyrical content that disgusts me, it's the lack of creativity. Everybody can't be selling drugs, killing people, screwing thousands of women, and making millions before their first single even hits the streets. It's boring.

I don't really watch videos anymore either. Do all rappers lay around the pool at their mansion while half naked girls roam around for the viewing of their crew? Once again, no originality. It's so annoying.

There are a few that break the mole like, Lupe Fiasco or Kanye but if you look at what you see on television and hear on the radio they are few and far between. I know that's not really the case, but i'm 40 years old and I don't have the time to be digging around for good rap. Common's an actor now so we probably won't be hearing anything from him for a while. Lauren's a bit nutty and i'm not even sure she's rapping anymore.

Some would wonder why a 40 year old woman even cares about rap music. First and foremost, i'm a lover of all music. I listen to it all. Mostly, I remember when this phenomenon called rap music first took off. I lived down the block from Kool Herc. I remember going to jams in the park where the deejay had to steal electricity from an apartment to get his equipment going. I remember me and my friend, Bena, going to Skate Key to see The Cold Crush Brothers, The Zulu Nation, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Funky Four Plus One More, and so on. It was a beautiful thing and it felt so real and so genuine, and we had so much damned fun.

It saddens me to see a culture that the people I mentioned worked so hard to build is no longer fun. It's so damned materialistic and violent. It hurts me. Some of them are so young. Then again, you have those like Fat Joe who shows no growth from cd to cd and wants to be Joey Crack forever. What are you bringing to your community by constantly rapping about being a drug dealer?

My daughter and I were watching Hip Hop vs. America on BET and David Banner was on the panel. He was constantly saying it's not his job to raise people's kids and he's a man and a father first but rapping is his job. I call bullcrap (still keeping my promise to Auntie Ann)! If your number one job is to be a father, then isn't it your responsibility to raise your own kids? Is it okay for them to listen to some of the crap that is out there?

Another point David Banner made that is really sad, but unfortunately true, is positive music doesn't really sell. It's true. Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Common, and a host of others should be platinum, if not diamond, selling artists. Fortunately, they do it for the love of their craft and not money. They all have loyal fans who believe in them and support them to the end.

Why is our culture so violent and negative? All attention is paid to bad things and not enough to good. Paris Hilton is famous for being a partying whore, but you don't hear much about Raven Symone who is a wonderful example for young girls. It's disgusting.

Like I said, I haven't bought a rap cd in a long time but I plan to buy the new Nas cd. He's saying things I want to hear. I might even buy two copies just to support him.

Nothing really

This is one of those blah days. I don't really have much to say. I'm feeling tired and i'd love to be home in bed. It gets harder and harder to get up for work in the morning. I cannot wait to finish my book and start the publishing process. I know it's going to be hard work, but it will be worth it. To see my words in print is my dream.

I'm really not feeling this day. I don't even want to finish this blog.

I'm done.....

Brother Barack

Has anyone seen the cover of the New Yorker?

What the hell is wrong with them? There is no way that cover is acceptable. They claim it was "satire," but then they didn't explain that on the cover or in the magazine. Is it racist like some people believe or sensationalism to sell more magazines? Satire my...(keeping my promise to Auntie Ann).

I voted for Barack, I love Barack, and I have his back. I want him to win, but it's going to be crazy if he does. He's going to be under the largest microscope the United States has ever seen. Everything he does is going to be researched and scrutinized. The poor man won't be able to eat fried chicken and collard greens anymore! His basketball playing days are over.

Look at all the things our alcoholic president has gotten away with. Can you imagine Barack doing some of the same things? Oh boy, the outrage would be crazy. The impeachment process would have started years ago. Republicans and democrats alike would have been picketing to get that crazy colored man out of office.

Imagine Barack Obama choosing Oprah Winfrey as his vice president and have her on television giving away cars, "You get a car," "You get a car," "You get a car," and then taking her best friend Gayle shoe shopping, running her over with her electric car, and forcing Gayle to apologize to her. What would happen? Oh the horror!

So, Sheik Barack Hussein Abdul Muhammad Obama you and your wife Angela "Black Power" Davis have fun running for office. The world awaits your election. They're all cleaning those microscopes and getting them ready for dissection of every move you make.

THE STATEMENTS MADE IN THIS BLOG ARE NOT THE OPINION OF THE AUTHOR, THEY'RE JUST "SATIRE."

The art of selflessness

I just got an email from someone who is very important to me who did something very selfless. I won't go into detail about what was, but it's something that I don't think I could ever do. It's not easy to put others before yourself in certain situations. Something happened to this person that could have destroyed not only her, but her child. She sucked it up and did what may not have been right for her, but may have been right for the situation.

I've made sacrifices in my life and I regret none of them. They weren't always appreciated, but when things come from your heart you don't look for praise, or even appreciation. Most of my sacrifices have netted wonderful results.

This will not be a long post, but I hope that the person I spoke of reads it. I want her to know that I admire and respect her for the decision she made. It's been a long time since i've known anyone who put their needs aside and did something they probably didn't want to do, but knew was necessary.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Happy Sunday!

Instead of being home on the day of rest, i'm at work. I have no complaints about being here. I need the extra cash. Living in the Big Apple is no joke. Everything's so doggone expensive. (I would have said something else, but I promised my Auntie Ann I wouldn't curse). I love New York, but it's almost like the city is turning into a place specifically for those who are well off. That led me to try and find some things to do in the city that are either free, or don't cost much. The goal was to find 20 things. Here's what I came up with:

1.
Take advantage of free or "pay what you wish" nights at the city's finest museums, including:The Whitney Museum of American Art (Friday nights free, 212-570-3676)The Solomon R. Guggenheim (Fridays 5-8 pay what you wish, 212-423-3500)The Museum of American Folk Art, free (212-977-7170)The Cooper-Hewitt National Museum of Design, Tuesday evenings free (212-860-6868)The Steuben Gallery, free (212-752-1441)

2.
Catapult into the future at the Sony Wonder Technology Lab, where interactive exhibitions thrill children of all ages (212-833-8100).

3.
Let African-American culture inspire you at Harlem's Schomberg Center for Research in Black Culture (212-491-2200).

4.
Taste the Big Apple at its sweetest at the Union Square Green Market, where you can sample fresh fruit, vegetables, baked goods, cider and much more (212-477-3220).

5.
Explore the greenhouses and gardens of Wave Hill, a 28-acre former estate overlooking the Hudson River in the Bronx (free during the week and Saturdays before noon, otherwise $4 adults, $2 seniors/students, 718-549-3200).

6.
Browse for bargains at the famous Sixth Avenue Antiques Market, between 24th and 27th Streets (free, weekends only). Other markets include the famous fleas at Columbus Avenue and West 76th Street (Sundays only) and the weekend market on Houston Street between Sullivan and Thompson.

7.
Catch the breeze even in August on the Battery Park Esplanade, complete with spectacular views of New York Harbor and the Statue of Liberty. In nearby Hudson River Park, the Battery Park City Authority presents a "Sounds at Sunset" summer series of poetry readings, cabaret and classical music (212-416-5328).

8.
Stop and smell the roses at The Brooklyn Botanic Garden, and learn about botany and garden lore at special exhibitions in the conservatory (718-622-4433).

9.
Enjoy the best classical music, drama, opera, dance and jazz New York has to offer--including the New York Philharmonic, City Opera, Shakespeare in the Park, and much more--at free warm-weather concerts in the city parks (information 212-360-3444).

10. Every Friday and Saturday night the Brooklyn Academy of Music opens up its BAMcafé free to the public. Jazz, world beat, and experimental artists keep the crowd rocking.

11. If it's free blues you're after, you can't do any better than the gratis shows every Friday and Saturday night at the B.B. King Blues Club & Grill. Shows start at 9 p.m.; get there early for good seats.

12. Visit the Studio Museum of Harlem and watch contemporary artists hard at work on their newest masterpieces. Plan your visit well, though: It's only free the first Saturday of every month.

13. Remember that favorite TV show from your childhood? Well you can probably find an episode at the Museum of the Moving Image. Free admission to the galleries is from Friday evenings from 4 to 8.

14. Join a free yoga class beside the Hudson or relax at the scenic gardens, all inside Riverside Park. A limited number of kayaks can be borrowed for free.

15. The annual Broadway on Broadway show offers skits and musical numbers from every major show playing. Admission is free, but highly coveted, so book early.

16. Theater buffs start lining up at 6 a.m. for tickets to Shakespeare in the Park, presented free each summer. Tickets are distributed at 1 p.m. the day of the show at either the Delacorte Theater in Central Park or the Public Theater. There are two productions each summer, five weeks per year.

17. Every day dozens of deals are posted on www.myopenbar.com for the discerning drinker. Often this involves a certain promoted tipple for the entire evening, but most commonly involves free "well" drinks (the standard ones - not the fancy shelved ones) for a certain amount of time. Who cares, it's free booze. Perhaps the biggest surprise is that the bars aren't all grotty dives … decent venues in SoHo, Brooklyn and the Lower East Side frequently pop up. (I actuallylike a grotty dive now and then).

18. In the west of SoHo, SOB's is one of New York's most prestigious Latin and Hip Hop clubs. Each Friday from 7pm they offer free salsa classes lead by a dance master and his twirl-a-minute lady friend. Men have to pay the obligatory $10 entrance, which covers the rest of the evening (after the class, the nightclub proper begins), but women go free. The distinctive New York salsa technique of "breaking on the second" levels the playing field between newbies and intermediates.

19. There are several sightseeing and party cruises around Manhattan. Some are reasonably priced and others cost a bit more. You can buy tickets at http://www.viator.com/New-York-City-tours/Cruises-Sailing-and-Water-Tours/d687-g3

20. Harlem Meer Catch and Release Fishing - This a popular family and community activity. The Dana Center provides free poles, unbarbed hooks, and instruction booklets. Located inside the Park at Central Park North (110th Street) between Fifth Avenue and Malcolm X Boulevard (Lenox Avenue). (212) 860-1370

www.clubfreetime.com/new_york.asp is a good resource for free activities in New York. They list events by day as well.

Hope these suggestions are useful

Saturday Sunshine!

Well, it's Saturday and beautiful out. I haven't decided what I want to do yet, but I know I don't want to stay in the house. Even though it's July, it feels like the summer hasn't really begun. I don't know why. Maybe it's because we've had so much rain lately here in New York. To be honest, that doesn't really bother me. I love the rain. Well, I didn't love it a couple days ago when my son and I got caught in a crazy downpour.

The rain started pouring and we had a safe spot inside a phone booth. My son wanted to stay there and wait it out, but I said we should run for the bus. I had an umbrella, so I figured we would be okay. Boy was I wrong! The rain and wind destroyed my umbrella and we both got soaked. I'm a black woman, so all I could think about was my hair. No it's not a myth, black women really do not like getting their hair wet. All I could think about on the bus ride home was what I was going to do to my hair. I was pissed! I looked at my son and we both had a good laugh. That made me feel a little better.

Rain makes me think of tears. Tears make me think of something that happened to me the other day. I was watching a tv show that had a sad ending that made me cry. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I have no idea why I was crying, but it felt kind of good. Maybe I was getting rid of something I didn't know was there. It just felt like something I needed to do. Crying is good for the soul. Holding things in only leads to stress. Believe me, I know.

I hate when people say men shouldn't cry, that it's a sign of weakness. I think it's a sign of strength. A real man is not afraid to show his emotions. It's the weak dude that acts like he's a macho man all the time. He's trying to cover up something. He doesn't want people know that he is vulnerable or scared. There's nothing wrong with letting your guard down from time to time. No one wants to be around someone who acts like Mr. Macho all the time.

We need to raise our sons to know that it's okay to express their emotions from time to time so they won't be walking around so angry. They have enough to deal with in the outside world. I try to be a safe place my son knows he can come to. He may not always want to talk to mom about things, but he knows that he can. I'll talk to him about anything. There's too much going on out there for parents to be too scared or ashamed to talk to their kids. I was pregnant at 16 and, although I feel like I was a successful parent, that's not the life I wanted for my children.

I remember my daughter asked me about how babies were born. She had to be around 10 or 11. I work in a medical library. I took her down to the media center and showed her a child birth video. I'm sure she remembers that. (haha) When she asked me about sex, I told her exactly what it was and how it was done. She knew she had a vagina and boys had a penis and my son knew the reverse, no nicknames. I hate when people tell their daughters they have a cat and come up for some stupid name for their little boys penis. Please! Tell them the truth.

Anyway, back to the rain. One day I want to go to Central Park and run around in the pouring rain. I've always wanted to do that, but i'm a black woman. What about my hair?

TGIF!

I am so glad the work week has ended. I hope to get some writing done over the weekend. It looks like it's going to be a nice weekend and I have to find something to do. It's so wonderful when your children are old enough to go on about their business, and mine most certainly do.

When I woke up this morning I tried to think of all sorts of reasons not to go to work. I just wanted to get back in my bed and get some z's. My dream is to make my living as a writer and not have to worry about getting up every morning to go to a job i'm not that crazy about. Bills have to be paid, and we do what we must.

Shout out to all the single mother's out there. I talked about my father in my first blog and now I need to say something about my mother. She's the shit! She's part of the reason I got up and went to work this morning. I have watched her struggle to raise three girls and there were days, and still are, when she was sick or aching and she got up and went to work. She hasn't had an easy life, but she hardly ever complains. I probably don't tell her the way I feel enough. I admire and respect her more than she will ever know. (and she won't read this because the computer I gave her is sitting on the floor in her dining room) Love you ma!

That takes me to another point. Do we tell the people we love how we feel the way we should? People laugh because my family members and I say I love you so much. I don't see that as a bad thing. It's a great thing. This came about after my daddy passed away. I found out he was gone on his birthday. My daughter and I had been calling him all day, wondering why he wasn't answering his phone. Before the day was over, his landlord called to tell me that he was found in his apartment. He'd been there for a while. I never got to say goodbye. That made me realize that you never know what can happen. I've been telling those I love how I feel about them ever since.

TGIF! Tell the ones you love how important they are to you.

My First Blog

This is my first blog. I've always wanted to do something like this, but I never took the time to actually do it. Actually, that's kind of been my problem in life. There have been so many things that I have WANTED to do but just didn't. There wasn't always an excuse or a reason, I just didn't.

When I turned 40 earlier this year, I vowed that I would do more. I've been on this earth for 40 years and it's time I do me. If I want to go out, I should go out. If I want to shop, I should shop. If I don't want to do shit, then I won't. Like Bobby Brown said, "It's my prerogative." It's my time. I'm a grown ass woman!

My children are on their way to having good lives. I don't have to worry about them as much as I do but, hey, i'm a mother and that's what I do damnit! I worry. I worry that I wasn't a good enough mother, I worry that they will be okay when they're on their own, I worry, worry, worry, and I will continue to do so for the rest of their lives so they should just get use to it.

One thing I do not worry about is who I raised. The fact that two people of such high character came from my womb makes me feel like i've done my job. I added quality to the world. I remember carrying them. I remember being a mother at the age of 17 and having people tell me I would fail. I remember lying on the table preparing to give birth and having the black doctor and nurse lecture me about the mistake I made. That is something I will never forget. I wish I could find them both and tell them that my mistake has earned a Master's degree and is shaping young minds as a pre-school teacher. I'd also like to give them the finger for their insensitivity and lack of professionalism, but it is what it is.

I look at my son and he reminds me so much of my father, who is no longer with us. My father was a wild boy, but my son has all of his delicate qualities. The ability to listen, be empathetic, and give advice that will wrap a situation up in a neat little box is the one that stands out most.

Speaking of my father, I really miss him. We didn't see each other a lot, but he was still one of my best friends. Like I mentioned, he was such a good listener. I could talk to him about any and everything. His advice about all situations always made me feel better. I miss his ear and his shoulder to cry on. I pray that he is resting in peace.

My son graduated from high school, second in his class a few weeks ago and I thought of my father the entire time. He would have been soooooooooo proud of his grandson. The same thing happened when my daughter graduated from college. I could feel his smiling and hear him saying, "Good job Bugaloo." I miss him and hope I can do him proud with the life I live.

This has been my first blog.....