I ran across something written by Maya Angelou that totally sums up the way i've been feeling lately. People don't like to see you trying to do things. That's why you have to brush the dirt off your shoulders and keep it moving.

And now, a word from Maya...

H A T E R S

By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time
trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very
negative
people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your Blessings and
your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you Blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If GOD wanted you to be like
somebody else, HE would have given you what HE gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't
know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest
assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with GOD
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb
(if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being
in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy. Haters will never want to see you
succeed. Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our
side.

How do you handle your undercover haters? You can handle these haters
by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what GOD has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live - when its your time
to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and
fulfilled my dreams, Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When GOD gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at who is in charge of me...'

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou


Maya always knows how to say what I feel.

Addicted to the Snooze

I really have to lay off the snooze button. Every night I set my alarm clock for 5:30 am. It would be great if I remembered the last time I actually got up at that time. I hit that damned snooze button a minimum of two times. This morning I hit it five and got out of bed at 6:00.

It's a shame. Things would be so much easier for me if I just got up the first time the alarm goes off. I wouldn't have to rush or participate in a race for the shower with my daughter. She won the race this morning and I ended up getting to work with a minute to spare.



There are a few reasons why i'm a snooze addict. First of all, I like to sleep. There are times when nothing else feels better and the sound of that alarm waking me from my unconscious bliss pisses me off. It's hard for me to close my eyes before midnight and when 5:30 rolls around it feels like I just went to sleep.

I don't exactly love my job so knowing that i'm getting out of bed because of it doesn't really make me happy. It doesn't motivate me not to hit that little button on the left side of my alarm. I know exactly where it is and have it measured just right. I don't even have to sit up in the bed. My friend, the snooze button and I have a special relationship. We speak our own language, no words are needed. My friend subliminally tells me that i'm not ready to get out of bed.

I've tried, but I just can't shake the habit. No matter how much sleep I get the night before, my finger is magnetically drawn to the snooze button in the morning. It's like I have no control. My name is Tammy and i'm a snooze button addict.

I'm A Work in Progress

I'm changing
I can feel it
I learn something new every day
I'm so open
So ready
To be the woman I need to be
I'm a work in progress
I'm changing
Spinning around in circles
Trying to find the right direction
My mind's like a sponge
The problem is
Sometimes my heart
Feels like an open wound
Every feeling seems to come from there
But it's okay
I'm changing
My eyes are opening
Opening wide
So much is being exposed to me
I'm beginning to see people
For who they really are
And it's not always that pleasant
What do you do
When you're changing
You're a work in progress
And see all the setbacks of life
Setbacks that you don't like
You look at people and wonder
Is this who you've always been?
How did I not know?
Your rose colored glasses removed
You see reality
Damn
What do you do now?
Keep working?
Keep progressing?
Or go back to your old ways?
The ways that put you in a rut
The ways that held you back
Can't do that
Gotta move forward
I'm a work in progress
Ever changing
Yet staying the same
Rose colored glasses removed
Replaced by eyes on the prize
Success
Self love
Optimism
A new way of thinking
It's all leading up to something
My heart knows
It's going to take time
And a whole lot of work
To be her, that woman
The one deep inside you
She's stirring around
Ready to explode
Eventually she'll show herself
But for now
You're still
A work in progress

Hurt Feelings

Wow! I got my feelings hurt big time this morning. This is more of a venting post than an infomational one. I'm not going to go into details, but all I can say is it's really painful to be left out. Today is a pretty sad day for me. It's the worst when you walk around with that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't shake. I have a feeling that it's going to be there for a while.

I'm not a perfect person. I don't always call or stay in touch with people the way I should and I definitely own that. I'm sort of a loner and hardly ever use the phone when i'm at home. I'll send someone a text message in a minute, but i'm trying not to do that as much because my bill was out of this world last month. I had to laugh. That's what I get for not wanting to talk on the phone.

I never thought that, even though I don't call the way I should, certain people would leave me out of things, especially celebrations where everyone else is present. There are always certain people in your life that you may not talk to, but when the time comes to get together, you get together. I didn't find out until this morning that I wasn't even thought about in the equation. At first I was totally pissed off, but that angry quickly turned to hurt. I put up an extra tough exterior, but I am a total marshmellow when it comes to certain things and certain people. I actually shed a tear when I got to work this morning.

To make matters worse, no one thinks it's a big deal. That added to the hurt i'm feeling. I'm not playing the victim card at all. I feel that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I have always known my place on the outside of certain relationships, but never wanted to admit the truth. My husband has been talking to me about it for years, but it's hard to face certain things. This recent situation put the facts right in my face.

I've been saying things were going to change for me in 2009 and I meant it. When people treat your feeling like they're nothing it has to serve as a wake up call. Well, i'm awake. I really do feel like something is moving in my life right now and maybe certain things are moving out. I don't know. The only thing I can do is let go and let God.

My days of dwelling on things have to end. This must be a test. I have to move on and look forward to the good things that are coming my way and leave the hurt feelings behind. If I could only get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach...

Rude People

I cannot stand rude people! I hate it when i'm walking down the street and move out of the way of someone coming my way and they keep walking, without moving, and bump into me. It makes me so angry! What about the person that steps on your foot and looks at you without saying anything? Don't get me started on that one.

What happened to common courtesy? It seems like people don't have it anymore. There's a particular person I know who walks in my house like they live there, and doesn't speak. I was raised to know that you always speak when you walk into a room. How can you walk into a space occupied by people and act as if they're not there? Who the hell are you?

I was sitting at my desk one afternoon and my manager walked over and grabbed my mouse and started looking for something like I wasn't sitting there. I pushed her hand off the mouse and asked her if there was something I could help her with. How dare she do that? Is it me, or was that rude? I know it was rude and I don't know why I asked. I just started working with this person and I realize the other people in the department let her do and say whatever she wants. That is not, and will never be, me. I demand that my personal space is respected.

Personal space is very important to me. I hate when i'm standing on line and someone is so close to me that I can barely move. I try so hard not to lose my temper, but it's hard. Why are you up on me like that? Get out of my space. We do not know each other! That's rude.

Another thing I cannot stand is when you're talking to someone and someone else interupts like a conversation wasn't going on. Hello! Can you wait until we're done? I'm pretty sure that whatever you had to say wasn't that important, and if it was you could have at least said excuse me. That's rude.

Speaking of conversations, what about when you're talking to someone and they cut you off and start talking about something else? It's obvious that they really didn't give a damn about what you were saying. That's rude.

I was on a crowded but the other day and this man had this big ass bag on his back. I was holding on to the pole in front of a person who was about to get up. When I went to sit down, he took his bag and knocked me out of the way. I probably would have smacked him if I wasn't in shock. Everyone on the bus was looking at him like he was crazy. I'm trying to change in 2009 so I chalked it up to his bag being heavy. (I DID WANT TO BUST HIS ASS)

Do rude people know they're rude? Do they not care? What rude things bother you? Or are you the rude one.

The Curious Career of Taraji P. Henson

I've been a fan on Taraji P. Henson since she came on the scene in "Baby Boy." I always thought her career should be much bigger, and i'm sure it would be if her skin wasn't brown. It's so sad that talented Black actors and actresses don't get the same burn in Hollywood as their Caucasian counterparts. I guess that's just the way of the world.

From the gullable girl in love in "Baby Boy," to the hooker with a heart in "Hustle and Flow," around to a detective on the Lifetime show "The Division," to Don Cheadle's crazy girlfriend in "Talk to Me," or the lesbian hit woman in "Smoking Aces," Taraji always puts in work. I'm a fan. I'm sure she could play any role she wanted, but it's all about the offers.










Well, Ms. Henson got her chance when she was given the role in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." My husband and I went to a sneak preview of the movie and my girl was awesome. She held her own against, and in my case outshined, Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, and anyone else who was in that movie. She's a scene stealer, always has been.




I feel like someone I know was nominated. She seems like a really humble, down to earth sister. I just wanted to give her a shout out. I'm proud of her. It's great to see someone get what they deserve. I hope she'll finally begin to get the roles as well.

I also have to shout out Viola Davis who was nominated in the same category for her role in the movie "Doubt." Girlfriend had to do her thing opposite Meryl Streep.







Here's to all the Black actresses that sacrifice so much for their art, even though they don't always get the roles or recognition they deserve. Go sistas!

No Words Needed

I'm speechless so i'll just let the images speak.

On this day

On this day
We celebrate the life of a man
Not a mere mortal
An angel
Sent here to save us
To save us from ourselves
Even those who didn't want to be saved
Those who thought they were the savior
That they deserved the "power"
On this day
We look back
On a life
A life that was cut short
Yet seemed so long
What an impact
For one man to have
Never violent
Always thoughtful
Extremely courageous
On this day
We think of the words
"I have a dream"
And feel as though our dreams
Can actually become reality
It seems as though
Anything is possible
If you have the audacity
To hope
On this day
We look to tomorrow
The day when it happens
We'll have a new President
A Black President
But not the Black people's President
He will truly be
The people's President
The realization of the dream
The dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
And even though
On this day
We know we're not there yet
It still feels as though
We're a little bit closer
I can feel it
We may not get there together
But we as a people
Will get to the promise land
On this day
I feel blessed
And for the first time in a long time
I am proud to be an American

Solo Cinema

I have a girlfriend who goes to the movies by herself all the time. That was something I thought I could never do. She would go as early as she could and see two, sometimes three movies. I wasn't sure if I thought she was brave or if I felt sorry for her. She didn't really care what anyone thought anyway, so it didn't really matter.

My husband and I have this thing about going to the movies. It's something we like to do together. We rarely, if ever, go to the movies with other people. A friend of his works at a movie theater and when we go we get to see as many movies as we want. He gives us the schedule and we walk in and out of theaters until we're ready to leave.

Some time last year there was a movie I wanted to see that my husband wasn't interested in. I asked my co-worker if she wanted to go and she had something to do. When she suggested I go by myself I looked at her like she was crazy. She even laughed because she's never gone alone.

I found myself thinking about her suggestion for a while. Looking back, I can't believe I put so much thought into something as simple as seeing a movie. It took me about a week, but I eventually bit the bullet and went alone. It was a big deal and I felt nervous the entire bus ride to the theater. When I got there, I wondered if the person who took my ticket, the people I passed in the lobby, or the people at the concession stand thought I was a loser.

I went into the theater and, to my surprise, it was filled with women, and a few men, who were there alone like me. I get off of work at 3:30, which is pretty early, so it wasn't a large crowd. I immediately relaxed. The movie was great and it was nice to have that time to myself. I understood why my friend went alone so much.

I've gone alone a few more times. I'm the type of person who enjoys spending time with myself so it's great for me. Going to the movies alone is very relaxing. I can't believe I stressed myself out over it.

The same friend who goes to the movies alone has also traveled to Aruba and Jamaica by herself. I don't think I could ever do that. She's awesome.

If You Don't Know Now You Know

The film, "Notorious," comes out this Friday. It's the story of one of New York's finest, The Notorious B.I.G. or Biggie Smalls. It's hard to believe he's passed away over ten years ago. For someone who wasn't in the rap game long, he had a huge impact. He came along at a time when West coast rap was all the rage. People had almost forgotten that this rap thing started in New York. Big Poppa busted onto the scene and reminded them.

I'm a fan of the hardest of the hard rap music. I don't mean the bitch, hoe, I sell drugs and i'm rich version. I'm talking about hard beats and lyrics that come from the heart. Biggie Smalls was right up my alley. I never found his lyrics gratuitous. It always felt like he was telling a Brooklyn tale.

I was born and raised in Harlem. We moved to the Bronx when I entered junior high school. It was the beginning of this thing some people now call rap and the people who love it call hip hop. It was fun. It was not only about putting words to music, it was also about graffiti, break dancing, and the electric boogie. I remember going to jams in the park and having a ball. I even grabbed the mike a few times. My name was Tricky T. (It was cool in the eighties) The dance battles were amazing.

Somewhere down the line, hip hop turned into rap and I lost some of my interest. I still listen to it, just not all of it. I often find myself wondering what it would be like if Biggie was still alive. He was just about to blow up when he was killed. He had so much potential. New York mourned for a long time after he died.

I remember the day he died, March 9, 1997. My husband and best friend threw me a surprise birthday party the night before and we had a lot of fun. He woke me up the next morning to tell me Biggie had been shot and killed in California. I couldn't believe it. Hip hop had lost one of its best.

I don't really listen to rap music anymore. There's too much bling bling and look at me going on. That's not hip hop. I prefer to look back to the fun days. I'm sure that's how those in my parents generation feel about r&b. Don't get me started on that.

Random Thoughts

A doctor here in New York wants his soon to be ex wife to give back the kidney he gave her in 2002. If he can't get the kidney, he wants 1.5 million dollars. He has to be the ultimate indian giver.

2009 is going to be a good year. I can feel it.

I took a break from blogging and no one noticed. That's part of the reason I took a break from blogging. I needed to take a step back and come back with a new attitude. I needed to remember that I started this blog because I love to write. If only one person reads it, at least i've shared my passion with someone. Quality is way more important than quantity.

Where's Don?

It's so easy to give up when things don't work out the way you expected. I'm easily disappointed and that's something i'm trying to change in the new year. Life is what you make it and I think my pessimistic outlook was making things harder for me.

This is going to be a great football weekend. My picks are Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Carolina and, of course The New York Giants.

We're getting snow this weekend and it's ruining my plans.

On January 13th I will be married 20 years. My husband and I have gone through some things since we've been together. Marriage is not easy, it's hard work. Looking back through the years I can honestly say every down was worth the up. We've had a lot of good times and share so many wonderful memories. I wouldn't change a thing.

I was watching The First 48 the other night and a man killed six people, including his brother, niece and nephew. He shot four adults and stabbed four children. Two of the children lived and one of them was able to tell the police that his uncle was the one who stabbed him in the chest. Crazy! I know I should stop watching this show, but I can't.

My son just finished his first semester of college and I think i'm more excited about it than he is. I'm so proud of him. I see good things in his future.

2009 is going to be one of the best years I have ever had. I am determined to make this statement a reality. I am claiming my success!

Happy 2009

I won't be blogging for a while, but I wanted to wish al of those who take the time to visit my blog a happy new year. I haven't really been feeling the whole blogging thing like I once did. It's beginning to frustrate me for a few reasons so i'm going to take a break and come back with a fresh start in 2009.

Happy new year to all. I hope 2009 is 1000% better than 2008.

'Twas the Day After Christmas

I had an outstanding Christmas day. My family did a grab bag and had breakfast at my sister's house. We had such a good time. I love spending time with my family. We always enjoy ourselves.

I was my mother's secret Santa. I made her a personalized calendar and bought her an outfit. She absolutely loved the calendar and started crying before she even knew what it was. The cover of the calendar is a picture of my family at an event my son's high school had last year. Just seeing that was enough to make her cry. She lost it when she opened the calendar and saw all the pictures. I put a lot of time and love into making it and i'm so glad she was touched the way I hoped she would be. Actually, everyone loved it.

My son had my name and he bought me two photos of Barack Obama that I will be framing and hanging up in our hallway. He also bought two shirt, one with Barack's face and the other with one of my favorite moments in history:



My son knows me very well and knew that I would go crazy when I saw that shirt.

My sister and her boyfriend made us all a wonderful breakfast. They made waffles, eggs, salmon cakes, bacon, home fries, grits, fish and shrimp. I know i'm leaving something out but there was so much that I can't remember it at all. It was great to break bread with the ones I love most on the day of the birth of our savior.

My son got Rock Band 2 for his birthday and we rocked out for hours. It was so much fun. We enjoy each other's company so much that we don't have to do anything fancy. Something as simple as homemade breakfast and a video game turned into one of the best Christmases I have ever had.

I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family. The fact that a lot of people aren't as lucky does not go over my head. Some don't get along, others don't stay in touch, and there are those who have family they've never met. I thank God every day for the blessing of family.

Me Time

I like being alone. I've never been what one might call a social butterfly. I love spending time with family and the few friends that I have, but the streets have never called my name. I wouldn't say i'm a total homebody, but I do enjoy my time at home. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

There are people who see something wrong with this. They think I should go out more. I'm just fine and don't understand why people always feel the need to judge and put their two cents in.

There are so many facets to my personality. Sometimes i'm shy, and sometimes i'm outgoing. Sometimes i'm soft-spoken and other times i'm loud. I'm confident, but have self-esteem issues from time to time. I can't figure myself out half the time, but I do know that I enjoy being alone.

It's my writer's spirit. I'm a bit of a loner. Being by myself is not a horrible thing. It gives me time to clear my head and come up with new ideas. I've made a lot of realizations and formulated a lot of plans during my me time. Considering the fact that i'm always thinking, I think that alone time is necessary. My mind is always racing and I need quiet moments to get my thoughts together and calm my ever working brain.

I know people who need a crowd and find it hard to function if they're not the center of attention. If that's their thing so be it, it's just not mine. I cherish those days when my husband and children are gone and I have time to sit down and watch a program I like, book and pen in hand. I try to edit my book every chance I get and it's much easier when i'm alone.

I'll admit I haven't had a girl's night out in a very long time. I've been spending most of my out time with my husband. That's fine with me. He has his night, every Thursday. I could use an occasional night out without him, I just haven't made it a priority. We've grown a lot closer since we started going to our couples meeting. The meetings are over and I really miss them, but i'm glad it has helped our relationship.

I just got back in contact with an old friend that I haven't spoken to since March. She has a very demanding job and has been really busy. We're going to get together and do something when she has time. I'm looking forward to it. I've missed my friend. Neither one of us have been doing much. There was a time when she and I were always on the go. It'll be nice to have her back in my life. No matter what, you always need that special friend.

My Not So Baby Boy

My son turned 18 yesterday. I can't believe it! It seems like he was just born yesterday, all ten pounds, eleven ounces of him. It's been a pleasure to watch him grow into the young man he has become. He's a remarkable person. His calm and gentle nature is the thing I love most about him. He has the ability to be the quiet in the midst of a storm. When others panic, he analyzes the situation, states the obvious, and moves on. That is not something he inherited from his parents or his older sister. We all have fiery tempers.

This is my son's first year of college. He was accepted to about six colleges away from home, but decided he wanted to stay and go to a local university. His father, sister, and I were a little upset about it but left the decision up to him. It turned out to be a good decision because he ended up receiving a full, four year scholarship.

I often joked that one day he would turn into a basketball and roll away. Basketball has always been his favorite sport to watch and play. He played little league baseball for a few years, but that was not his passion, it's definitely basketball.

As soon as he decided to stay home, my son began to contact the coaches of the school he chose in hopes of being able to try out for the team. His efforts paid off. After a whole lot of hard work and dedication he tried out for, and became a member of the team. It's not easy to walk on to a team, but he did it. We were all so happy for him because we knew how hard he worked and how much he wanted it. When my young man is determined, he goes for broke. I've never seen him so dedicated.

My son, Ratique, is now a member of the Lehman College Lightning!



I almost cried the first time I saw my son on the court in his uniform with his goggles on his head. He looked like such a man. He's looked so handsome and fit. I think I may have been in shock. At that moment I realized he was no longer a baby. He'll always be my baby, but he's a man now. I took a moment to look back and remember a few moments from the 17 years he had lived at that time. There weren't many bumps in his road to manhood. He was a fun, busy kid and we all loved him and each other very much.

We all knew he wouldn't get much playing time because he is a freshman. We attend his games and cheer for the team, knowing that one day he'll get his chance to show his skills. Obviously the coach knows he can play or he would not have put him on the team.

Last night, on his 18th birthday, as his father, sister (who was holding up a Happy Birthday #25 sign - complete with lightning bolts), his father's friend (Aggy - who loves the way my son plays and attends every game with us) and I cheered and hoped we would get to see him play, my son got up to go to the scorer's table. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. When he went into the game, we jumped up and cheered for our boy.......I mean man. It was one of the best moments of my life.

We were so excited. People in the stands were shouting his name and his teammates were happy to see him play on his birthday. They would stand up and cheer or make noise every time he touched the ball. He did his thing, he's a workhorse on the court. His defense and ability to see the entire floor amaze me. He's always there for his teammates, on or off the court. He scored a few buckets too. It was a fun thing to watch, but at the same time i'm always a nervous wreck when he plays.

My heart filled with so much pride and joy. I was happy that he was able to do what he loved on the day of his birth, the day he officially became a legal man, even though I feel like he's had the attributes of a man for many years.

When the game ended his teammates jumped on him and sang happy birthday. He had one of the biggest smiles i've ever seen on his face. It was wonderful. I'm so proud of him. He doesn't always show his emotions, but last night he was happier than I have seen him in a very long time.

What are you afraid of?

"What are you afraid of? "Don't you know what you're made of?" - Mary Mary

I have to ask myself these questions from time to time. There are always what ifs crawling around in my head and forcing me to have a pessimistic outlook on just about everything. I have this guard up because I don't want to be disappointed. I figure if I assume things won't work out I won't be disappointed when they don't. I have tried really hard not to think this way, but it seems to be part of my make up.

My book is done and i'm in the editing stage. I really love what I have read and I know i'm a good writer, but there's still that doubt in the back of my head. I'm willing to do what has to be done to publish my work, but i'm very cautious of getting to excited.

I know this way of thinking does nothing but block my blessings and send negative vibes into the universe, but it's not easy to end a way of thinking that has been in your head for 40 years. The fear of the let down is holding me back. I'm not one to throw caution to the wind. Caution is my friend, it protects me.

Does this mean I don't have any faith? People always say, "Let go and let God," and I know if I put things in his hands they will work out the way they should, but why is it so hard? I want to succeed and not let my old friend caution keep me from achieving my goals. Part of my dream has been accomplished; I have written a book. The other half of the dream is sharing my gift with the world.

In a way, I guess I share my gift by blogging. This was a big step for me. It's not easy to share a piece of yourself with people you do not know. Starting this blog has helped me to stop holding back when it comes to letting people see the things I write. There's no way I can continue to be that way if I want to publish a novel. I need readers, the more the better.

My blog friend SLC, whose opinion and wisdom I really admire quoted a scripture for me that I carry in my purse and pinned to my cubicle at work:

A word from Romans, We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure. (Romans 5:3NLT)

I look at this scripture from time to time and am realizing that instead of doubting and being pessimistic I need to realize that no matter what obstacles I may go through if I stay strong and keep moving forward I will appreciate the victory when it comes and it will be even sweeter because I know it was worth whatever I had to endure to get it.

Mary Mary - Get Up (New song)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

Defending Marbury

I am a sports fanatic. If it's a sport, i'll watch it. My father blessed me with the love of all games. My son and I always talk about what's going on in the sports world. He's on his school basketball team. He's a college freshman and doesn't get much playing time right now, but he's patient and realizes he has to pay his dues.

The Yankees are my favorite sports team of all time. They haven't been that stellar lately, but they're the Yankees. I love them no matter what and know that things will turn around. I am, however, kind of pissed off about the new stadium because I know it will make it harder for families to go to games. The prices are going through the roof at a time when people's pockets are being negatively affected by
the economy.




Watching the New York Giants breeze through the playoffs and over the annointed ones in the Super Bowl was one of the most beautiful things i've ever witnessed. New Yorkers were so happy. We all walked around with permanent smiles on our faces for at least a week and took off work to attend the ticker tape parade. They're getting busy this season (11-1 baby) and Eli has become a man. It must feel good to no longer be in his brother's shadow. Yes, Plaxico is a problem child, but hopefully he'll get it together one of these days. I'm hoping he has not ended his football career with constant stupidity and bad decisions.




I haven't been a Knick fan for a while. They haven't been that exciting, tough as nails team I loved in a long time. I can't remember the last time I even bothered to watch a Knick game. I can't handle the disappointment. This team is so not New York. There's no way I could get down with them.




Stephon Marbury has been around for a while. He's taken his Brooklyn swagger all around the NBA and eventually got his wish and ended up playing at home. Most people don't understand the BK swag. Marbury was cast as a problem because of it. I wasn't a fan of his, but still thought he could bring something to the Knicks.

Marbury gained my respect when he came out with is Starbury line of affordable clothing and sneakers. As a parent I really appreciated the effort. It's hard to keep your kids looking fresh in the Jordan age of $200 sneakers. Marbury's efforts did not go unnoticed. I thought he did a great thing.

Fast forward to present day. The Isaih Thomas drama finally left the building, and not a moment too soon. Donnie Walsh stepped in and hired Mike D'Antoni as head coach. D'Antoni pushed Marbury to the side as soon as he arrived. I understand that Marbury has had his moments, but immeidate disrespect wasn't necessary. D'Antoni said he was focusing on the future and Marbury wasn't part of the plan. He sat on the bench and watched the team play. It surprised me that none od his teammates had anything to say.

So, now the Knicks need help because of injury and people are pissed off, including the aforementioned silent teammates, because Marbury is not playing. They say he refused to play, he says he didn't. There are always two sides to every story. If I was Marbury, I might sit on the bench and continue to collect my digits too. At the end of the day he's a man and disrespect is not something men take lightly. How can you sit him on the bench and basically ignore him and then turn around and want to use him because it suits your needs?

I know a lot of people say Stephon got what he deserved but i'll defend him. Yes, he's had his problems and caused some as well but he's a good guy. At least he's trying to do things to affect the communities he came from and those like it. At least he's not out at clubs shooting himself. I hope he finds a place to play and has learned to act in a manner that will make people want to play with and coach him.

I love my New York sports teams, even when they frustrate me to no end.

What does Thanksgiving mean to you?

I haven't thought about Pilgrims and Indians in years. They have nothing to do with the reason I get up early in the morning the last Thursday of every November to prepare my portion of the enormous meal my family will share.

For me Thanksgiving is all about spending time with the ones I love and giving thanks for one another and all of the many blessings we have. It's my favorite holiday, and cooking and getting up early are two things I don't like to do. For some reason, I don't even need an alarm clock on Thanksgiving. I get up bright and early and get to work putting every ounce of love I have into the food i'm preparing.

My father passed ten years ago and his birthday is November 23rd. Thanksgiving has fallen on his birthday once since he's been gone, and it's never far from that date. I take the time to think about the person he was and the impact he had on my life while i'm cooking. Thinking of him makes me smile now, but there was a time when all I could do was cry when November rolled around.

Right before we eat, my family stands in a circle holding hands and each one of us says what we're thankful for. It's a tradition and it's my favorite part of the day. We don't get together the way we once did but I can always count on that day bringing us together. There's nothing better than spending time with the ones you love. We always have a great time.

Word of the day

The word of the day for me is perseverance.


Perseverance - –noun 1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
2. Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

I woke up this morning with a different energy. Yesterday was not a good day. I actually asked for forgiveness because I felt a little selfish. People are being laid off left and right and some have been looking for jobs for years. They would love to be in my shoes. No, working in a medical library is not what I want to do right now, but i'm blessed to be working at all. I have excellent benefits and a good retirement plan. I will try very hard not to complain again.

My book is done and I am on a mission to get it published and share my gift with the world. I've never had my eye on the prize like this before and it feels good. No matter what is thrown my way i'm determined to make it through to the end. I have absolutely no choice in the matter. Nothing will stop me. No matter how many mountains I have to climb, I will make it to the top.

I fell to my knees and gave thanks after writing the last word and I will continue to do so. I thank God for giving me this talent and the strength to finally let go and want people to read hear my voice. It's not easy to do that, at least it wasn't. Things are different now. I got a new lease on my writing life. I feel free.

Blogging has really helped me a lot. It has been wonderful to share opinions and meet others who love to write as much as I do. It's a wonderful thing. I thank everyone who has ever stopped by my blog or left a comment.

It's my time. I'm ready to make this happen. I can't wait for the day when I post the picture of my book cover on my blog.

This is not what I want to do

I returned to work today after being off since last Wednesday. I didn't really do anything or go anywhere. All I did was relax. I did some book editing and spent time with my husband, who was off as well. I've never been one who needed to come and go a lot so that was fine with me.

We were suppose to visit a friend who lives in upstate New York but something is wrong with our car and my husband didn't want to chance the drive. We decided to stay home.

We got up early yesterday and ran some errands. I was in good spirits, even though I usually like to spend Sundays at home. Around 5:00, I noticed that my mood was changing. My energy level was going down and I felt a little sad. I had no idea what the hell was going on with me.

I like to sit on the foot of my bed at night and edit my book while my husband is sleeping. He always goes to sleep first. I reluctantly went to bed around midnight. I'd gotten use to staying up late reading through my infant. I'm trying to get her to the stage where she is full grown. I didn't realize that the editing process was going to take a while until I started. I really wanted to stay up and continue working.

It was so hard to get out of bed this morning. I took my time getting ready and didn't really care if I was late. Going to work was not what I wanted to do. I had already grown accustomed to being home. It was so easy.

Eventually I made it onto the bus. I pulled my pages out and edited all the way to work. Something wasn't right. Steve Harvey wasn't even making me laugh. He usually puts a smile on my face and I always get at least one good laugh before I get off the bus. Neither one happened this morning.

I got my breakfast and made my way upstairs. As soon as I got off the elevator it hit me. I knew what was wrong. My calling was being missed. The few days I had at home were like heaven. No matter what I was doing, I had my pages with me. I was missing the extra time I had with my baby.

Working in a medical library is not what I want to do; it's not what i'm suppose to do. I'm a writer. That should be my career. I've been feeling depressed all day because I can't get my baby off my mind. She needs my tender love and care. This library does not need me and it's not where I need to be.

It would be great if I could quit my job and dedicate all of my time to writing. There is no doubt in my mind that one day I will be able to do what I want and have the career I choose. Until then, the bills have to be paid and I have to do what I have to do. I'm claiming it, it's mine. I just have to be patient.

Random Friday

It's Friday and I have a few random thoughts.

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States!

The weekend zooms by in a total blur and the next thing you know you're back at work.

I'm sick of paying bills!

Those Circ de Soleil performers are absolutely amazing!

I was in labor for 23 hours with both of my children.

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States!

I want a black Gucci bag.

The economy sucks!

I can't believe my son is a college freshman.

I'm already all Sasha Fierced out.........enough is enough!

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States!

I love palm trees.

Allen Iverson is a Piston?

My sectional needs to be cleaned.

I'm feeling stressed and it's time for me to go out and let my hair down.

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States!

Roy Jones got his ass kicked!

It's cloudy outside, I love the rain.

Why do people kick or bump into you without saying excuse me?

I am beautiful no matter what they say.

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States!

My son's random thoughts:

I'm basketball sore

I want a Barack Obama shirt.

How am I going to do in the basketball game tomorrow.

I love The Joker

Back to me:

How can someone be that cranky all the time?

Fix your face!

I'm so glad I didn't have to go to work today.

Hubby's random thoughts:

I can't think of sh*t!

I'm tired.

I told you I can't think of sh*t!

Tammy, I said I don't know!

LOL!

Back to me:

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States!

Have any random thoughts?

We have a black president....and i'm alive!

The title of this post is what I said to my sister last night after Barack Obama was elected. This is something I never thought I would live to see. Since I cast my vote yesterday, I have been feeling emotions that I didn't know existed.

When I walked into the voting booth around 6:20 yesterday morning, I felt like I was casting a vote for my father, who was a bit on the militant side. He would have been over the moon. I took his spirit into the voting booth with me. I thought of my grandparents, especially my grandfather who could barely read but was one of the most successful businessmen in his city. Those men meant a lot to me and this election would have meant a lot to them. I know they both have unremovable smiles on their faces just like I do.

I was watching CNN and, out of nowhere, they projected Obama to be the winner. I thought I was seeing things. It all happened so fast. About ten seconds later, my son opened the window and people were celebrating in the street. It was like New Year's Eve. I tried to call family members and friends, but the circuits were jammed. It was a crazy, wonderful moment.

The tears fell, my body shook, I did a dance, said a prayer, praised the Lord, smiled, laughed, paced; I didn't know what to do with myself. I was a ball of energy. It's a feeling I will always remember, that undeniable sense of pride that made black people take to the street and celebrate. The sense of purpose that made a young man I saw being interviewed on the local news turn his hat around before he spoke to the reporter.

I don't know what time I went to bed, but I do know that I had one of the most peaceful sleeps i've had in a long time. I didn't even dream; I guess my dream had already come true. I woke up with a big smile on my face.

Tears fall as I think of all this man had to endure. I respect him to no end because of the never waivering dignity he showed in the face of undignified attacks. I look at Barack Obama and I see his heart. I feel him. There's no doubt in my mind that he cares. I listen to him speak and I see Dr. King in the shadows smiling. Maybe he can rest just a little bit easier now. The foundation he laid is finally taking shape. He gave his life so that we could, possibly, come to this moment one day and here we are.

Seeing that beautiful, black family walk out together, hand in hand is something I will never forget. The image of the first family i've thought of for years was before me and it felt like a dream. Years ago I would have thought it was a fairy tale. Once upon a time, on a cold winter day, a black man had the audacity of hope and decided to run for President of the United States...

Our next President did something most people are not able to do. He united Americans and inspired them to work together toward one common goal. As he spoke, I looked out into the crowd and it was so wonderful to see all nationalities rejoicing. Yes, Barack Obama is a black man, but he is also every man. He inspires all people, and not only those who live in America and that is such a beautiful thing.

Even though we know change takes time, we can all hold our heads up a little bit higher. Our children, and our children's children, have an example of what we can do. We are a strong people. As we were leaving for work this morning, my neighbor told me that Barack Obama is not our savior. I told him I knew that, but he is a symbol. Like Chris Rock said in his last stand up, we no longer have to give our children the you can be anything you want to be speech. All they have to do is look at the family residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and they'll know.

It's Time!

One day left before we make that change. I'm so excited. It's time! I've been singing that song by the Winans all morning. We are the people who can do it. I've heard people complaining about the lines they'll have to wait on tomorrow. Call me crazy, but i'm excited about it all. Usually when I go to vote i'm in and out quickly. If i'm standing on line that means people are coming out to vote. That's a good thing.












HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY COMPLAIN ABOUT STANDING ON LINE?

I wish my father and grandparents were here to see this. They would all be ecstatic. I know they're all smiling at the thought of a black man being president of these United States.

Win or lose, Barack Obama has touched and changed so many lives. My son won't be 18 until December and he is upset that he can't vote. I went to the corner store the other day and some young men were talking about how happy they were to be voting for the first time. They were very informed on the issues. I was impressed and congratulated them. It was a wonderful thing to see.

I've always tried to make informed decisions when I voted, but this is the first time that I cannot stay away from news channels, needing to know what's going on with the election. I am all in.

It's time to make a change. We are the people who can do it. This is the most important election of our time. November 4th is the day. Be there or be square.

The Winans - It's Time
Uploaded by jamz_flava

Make it Happen

I was at my desk listening to music while I worked and one of my favorite songs came on, "Make it Happen, by Mariah Carey." I absolutely love this song. It's so uplifting.

These are the lyrics:

Not more than three short years ago
I was abandoned and alone
Without a penny to my name
So very young and so afraid
No proper shoes upon my feet
Sometimes I couldn't even eat
I often cried myself to sleep
But still I had to keep on going
Never knowing if I could take it
If I would make it through the night
I held on to my faith
I struggled and I prayed
And now I've found my way

Chorus:
If you believe in yourself enough
And know what you want
You're gonna make it happen
Make it happen
And if you get down on your
knees at night
And pray to the Lord
He's gonna make it happen
Make it happen

I know life can be so tough
And you feel like giving up
But you must be strong
Baby just hold on
You'll never find the answers
if you throw your life away
I used to feel the way you do
Still I have to keep on going
Never knowing if I could take it
If I would make it through the night
I held on to my faith
I struggled and I prayed
And now I've finally found my way

I once was lost
But now I'm found
I got my feet on solid ground
Thank you Lord
If you believe within your soul
Just hold on tight
And don't let go
You can make it
Make it happen

Every time I hear this song it makes me feel good. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have my own relationship with God. I don't go to church the way I should, but I have faith and know that prayer has gotten me through some tough times. I'm still a work in progress. As Steve Harvey would say, "Don't trip, he ain't through with me yet."

I've struggled through some things, but never lost faith. I know that I play a role in how things work out. My decisions haven't always been the best, but you learn from your mistakes. My life is a lot better now. I'm happier than i've been in a long time. I just finished my novel and that has done a lot for my self confidence. I'm looking forward to what life has in store for me. I have a feeling it's going to be good. I'm just a strong black woman living day to day, trying to Make it happen.

Mariah Carey - New Music - More Music Videos

Random Monday

I'm in a random mood today. One minute I feel good, the next I feel like crap. This isn't the greatest day for me. I want to go home and crawl into bed, but I have things to do.

I'm on some random stuff today.

I use to like red apples better than green ones, but i've changed my mind.

I wish I could work a four day weekend.

One of my favorite people in the world is in the hospital. I'm really worried about him.

Korto should have been the winner of Project Runway.

My son's a man. He's going to be 18 in 42 days.

I could really use a shot of tequila.

Mama, I want to write.

I almost called in sick this morning.

Michelle Obama is fly as hell.

I need a vacation!

It's 4:25 pm.

Tiramisu is my favorite dessert.

I don't watch BET.

November 4th, November 4th, November 4th...

I absolutely love Gladys Knight.

I'm black and i'm proud!

Barack Obama could be elected President of the United States in a week.

Got any random thoughts?

Say It Loud!

I'm feeling good about being me today.





I love my people! Imagine what we could do if we really made it do what it do.




It's time we realize how blessed we truly are.

I did it!

Last night at 11:41 pm, I accomplished something I have been dreaming of most of my life. I finished my first novel. The feeling of accomplishment is something I cannot explain. I'm so excited!

I've known I wanted to be a writer since I was in the sixth grade. It's in my blood. I have boxes and boxes of things that I have written that no one has read. It's always been private. As I approached 40 I became determined to realize my goal. I knew I was ready, so I sat down and started putting paper to pen. The ideas flowed easily, like they always do and my baby was born.

After I wrote the last word on the page, I was filled with so many positive emotions that I cannot put it into words. I've spent a lot of my life doubting myself and not thinking I was good enough. Usually, I cry tears of joy when something good happens in my life. This time, I was so happy that I didn't feel like crying. I felt like celebrating.

I fell to my knees and thanked the Lord for blessing me with the talent and creativity that allowed me to even think about writing a book. I asked for the strength to do the work that will be required to see my baby all the way through to publishing.

I'll admit i'm a little scared, but i'm ready. It's time for me to share my work with the world.

Daddy's Little Girl

Born March 3, 1968
Daddy said, her name is Tamika
But i'll call her Bugalou
Years go by
Daddy leaves
But his love is still present
Bugalou knows he'll always be there for her
He calls
I'm coming to get you
She's so excited
Daddy's coming
She sits
And waits
And waits
But daddy never shows
Or calls
Days pass
He apologizes
She forgives
He's her daddy
And she loves him
But he loves the bottle
It's the monkey
Attached to his back
Years go by
He's there when he can be
When the monkey allows
The quality of his time is so immense
That the quantity matters less
Bugalou loves him
She's daddy's little girl
Sixteen and pregnant
A disappointment to many
But not to daddy
He still makes her feel special
And says, "The decision is yours."
Grandchild is born
Little Bugalou
He loves her just as much
And she adores him
Daddy now has two girls
Bugalou is now a mommy
Always calling daddy for advice
He's such a good listener
The best advice giver
And friend
And daddy
He's there when he can be
When the monkey allows
He disappears
Reappears
Does his best
Gets rid of the monkey
For a little while
He is himself
Monkeyless
Daddy
But alas
The monkey comes back
They fight for years
And eventually
The monkey wins
And takes his life
Daddy's gone
Bugalou feels alone
She misses her daddy
She talks to him
But it's not the same
He doesn't answer back
He's in a better place they say
It's no comfort
Years go by
It gets easier
She talks to him
And hears his voice
"Don't take no wooden nickels."
She learns to find strength
In his memory
Lives her life to make him proud
Thinks of him daily
Feels enveloped in his love
And even though she still cries
Because she misses him so
She knows he's looking down on her
And willing her through life's challenges
Bugalou misses him
But it's okay
Because no matter what life throws her way
He instilled within her
The strength to survive
And she will always be
Daddy's little girl.

I LOVE YOU DADDY!

What is stress?

I was going to blog about the debate, but changed my mind. I think it speaks for itself. I'm just trying to prepare of November 4th. I'll keep it short and sweet.

There are times when I wonder what's going through Barack Obama's mind. I can't imagine the stress and strain and pressure. I give the man props. I wouldn't want to be in his position, but I give him the utmost respect for trying to make it do what it do.




Good luck brother!

Strange Fruit

A friend of mine mentioned this song to me this morning and I couldn't get it out of my head. Nina Simone's haunting voice, coupled with the lyrics, always makes me cry.

Strange Fruit

Seven trees
Bearin strange fruit
Blood on the leaves
And blood at the roots
Black bodies
Swinging in the southern breeze
Strange fruit hangin
From the poplar trees
Pastoral scene
Of the gallant south
Them big bulging eyes
And the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolia
Clean and fresh
Then the sudden smell
Of burnin flesh
Here is a fruit
For the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather
For the wind to suck
For the sun to rot
For the leaves to drop
Here is
Strange and bitter crop

As singed by billie holiday

Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter cry.

A Woman's Job?

My husband and I attend a couples group every Monday. Even though we've been together for a while, it has actually helped our relationship. You can never stop learning about the person you're with because you are both constantly changing. It's nice to converse with other couples and meet new people.

Yesterday was our fourth time going to this group and I have noticed a pattern. All of the women in the group complain that their husbands don't help them around the house. Not one of the women in the group is a stay at home mom. These are all women who have jobs and careers. One woman even leaves home earlier than she has to in the morning to take her husband to work. She also picks him up at the end of the day.

I am the lone wolf in the group. I believe that if we both work it is OUR responsibility to keep our house in order. Who says it a woman's job to maintain a household that she shares with her husband? If I bring home some of the bacon, shouldn't he fry it up in the pan sometimes too? How is he "helping" her if they live together and are raising the same children? Why is it the woman's responsibility to cook and clean? Do they not eat the same food and sleep in the same bed?

Now, I have done a little soul searching and I know that part of the reason I am so adamant about shared responsibility is, over the years, I watched my mother cater to men who didn't deserve her. They took advantage of her warm nature and, for lack of a better word, used her. If they tried it now, there's no telling what weapon she might use to end their life. I'll put it this way, being taken advantage of has not warmed her heart to the men of the world. It makes me sad.

Watching this, I vowed never to let a man take advantage of me. I met my husband when I was 15 years old and always kept this in mind. I would do things for him, but never wait on him hand and foot. It took me years to realize I may have gone too far. He once told me that I didn't do the little things for him that other women did for their man. When we went to parties, I would never fix his plate. In my mind I knew he had two hands just like me and could make his own damned plate.

I was so busy making sure I was the opposite of how my mother use to be that I went too far. It took me a long time to realize that the little things matter. There's nothing wrong with making your man's plate or bringing him his dinner. It's okay to let your guard down sometimes.

With that all being said, I still don't get how men "babysit" their own kids, or "help" their wives clean the home they live in. It's not her job. If it was, she would be getting paid. What's wrong with shared responsibilty?

Friday Funny

1. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...

23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines .

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.