Monday, July 6, 2009

Two Little Words

I can't stand people who do things they know are wrong and instead of apologizing say, "Don't be mad at me," or "I don't want to be the bad guy." That really bothers me. Suppose I have every right to be mad? What if what you did really pissed me off? Is forgiveness always automatic?

Clearly you know you were in the wrong if you ask someone not to be mad at you. Why not just apologize? Are two little words that hard to say? I'm sorry seems so easy. I'll admit i've haven't always been one who easily says i'm sorry. It hasn't always been immediate. There were times when I would give a situation time to wind down and come around and apologize later, but i've never asked for leniency without apology.

No one is perfect but I really don't like it when someone does something out of line and tries to make you feel sorry for them. I've fallen for it before but i'm tired now. Yes, I am mad and you are the bad guy. There I said it. I don't have any sympathy. I've ended up feeling bad because I was upset with someone for something they did and that's crazy. I can't do it anymore.

People show you who they are when you really need them. I've been shown some things that I chose to ignore but I can't keep the blinders on anymore. I also won't allow myself to get wrapped up in the melodrama of others. I have the right to be upset and I know that I need to learn how to deal with people in the manner they deserve to be dealt with.

Slowly but surely i'm learning to put all things and people in their place. Everyone serves a purpose in your life. I'm learning who goes where. I know who I can depend on and who I cannot. I see the relationships that are genuine and the ones that are all bells and whistles. I definitely know who is really there for me and who just wants to sit back and judge me. Who loves me and who loves me not is more than evident.

It's all good. I am really going to try to be as genuine and honest in the relationships that deserve that from me. There are some that don't and I have finally admitted that to myself. I have so many things that I want to do with my life and I don't want to allow the stress of worrying about this one and that one to hold me back. It's not easy and it won't be immediate. There are people in my life who I love that just don't love the same way.

I have to keep looking ahead. Looking back does nothing but keep you in a space that you don't want to be in. I may end up losing some folks but I have to surround myself with positivity. I don't want to change anyone. I don't have that right. The only one that I am trying to change is me. My eyes are opened and I see so many things differently. I can't hold on to old notions of who people are because I know the truth. I'm not perfect, no one is, i'm just trying to find my way in the world.