Friday, December 5, 2008

What are you afraid of?

"What are you afraid of? "Don't you know what you're made of?" - Mary Mary

I have to ask myself these questions from time to time. There are always what ifs crawling around in my head and forcing me to have a pessimistic outlook on just about everything. I have this guard up because I don't want to be disappointed. I figure if I assume things won't work out I won't be disappointed when they don't. I have tried really hard not to think this way, but it seems to be part of my make up.

My book is done and i'm in the editing stage. I really love what I have read and I know i'm a good writer, but there's still that doubt in the back of my head. I'm willing to do what has to be done to publish my work, but i'm very cautious of getting to excited.

I know this way of thinking does nothing but block my blessings and send negative vibes into the universe, but it's not easy to end a way of thinking that has been in your head for 40 years. The fear of the let down is holding me back. I'm not one to throw caution to the wind. Caution is my friend, it protects me.

Does this mean I don't have any faith? People always say, "Let go and let God," and I know if I put things in his hands they will work out the way they should, but why is it so hard? I want to succeed and not let my old friend caution keep me from achieving my goals. Part of my dream has been accomplished; I have written a book. The other half of the dream is sharing my gift with the world.

In a way, I guess I share my gift by blogging. This was a big step for me. It's not easy to share a piece of yourself with people you do not know. Starting this blog has helped me to stop holding back when it comes to letting people see the things I write. There's no way I can continue to be that way if I want to publish a novel. I need readers, the more the better.

My blog friend SLC, whose opinion and wisdom I really admire quoted a scripture for me that I carry in my purse and pinned to my cubicle at work:

A word from Romans, We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure. (Romans 5:3NLT)

I look at this scripture from time to time and am realizing that instead of doubting and being pessimistic I need to realize that no matter what obstacles I may go through if I stay strong and keep moving forward I will appreciate the victory when it comes and it will be even sweeter because I know it was worth whatever I had to endure to get it.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Defending Marbury

I am a sports fanatic. If it's a sport, i'll watch it. My father blessed me with the love of all games. My son and I always talk about what's going on in the sports world. He's on his school basketball team. He's a college freshman and doesn't get much playing time right now, but he's patient and realizes he has to pay his dues.

The Yankees are my favorite sports team of all time. They haven't been that stellar lately, but they're the Yankees. I love them no matter what and know that things will turn around. I am, however, kind of pissed off about the new stadium because I know it will make it harder for families to go to games. The prices are going through the roof at a time when people's pockets are being negatively affected by
the economy.

Watching the New York Giants breeze through the playoffs and over the annointed ones in the Super Bowl was one of the most beautiful things i've ever witnessed. New Yorkers were so happy. We all walked around with permanent smiles on our faces for at least a week and took off work to attend the ticker tape parade. They're getting busy this season (11-1 baby) and Eli has become a man. It must feel good to no longer be in his brother's shadow. Yes, Plaxico is a problem child, but hopefully he'll get it together one of these days. I'm hoping he has not ended his football career with constant stupidity and bad decisions.

I haven't been a Knick fan for a while. They haven't been that exciting, tough as nails team I loved in a long time. I can't remember the last time I even bothered to watch a Knick game. I can't handle the disappointment. This team is so not New York. There's no way I could get down with them.

Stephon Marbury has been around for a while. He's taken his Brooklyn swagger all around the NBA and eventually got his wish and ended up playing at home. Most people don't understand the BK swag. Marbury was cast as a problem because of it. I wasn't a fan of his, but still thought he could bring something to the Knicks.

Marbury gained my respect when he came out with is Starbury line of affordable clothing and sneakers. As a parent I really appreciated the effort. It's hard to keep your kids looking fresh in the Jordan age of $200 sneakers. Marbury's efforts did not go unnoticed. I thought he did a great thing.

Fast forward to present day. The Isaih Thomas drama finally left the building, and not a moment too soon. Donnie Walsh stepped in and hired Mike D'Antoni as head coach. D'Antoni pushed Marbury to the side as soon as he arrived. I understand that Marbury has had his moments, but immeidate disrespect wasn't necessary. D'Antoni said he was focusing on the future and Marbury wasn't part of the plan. He sat on the bench and watched the team play. It surprised me that none od his teammates had anything to say.

So, now the Knicks need help because of injury and people are pissed off, including the aforementioned silent teammates, because Marbury is not playing. They say he refused to play, he says he didn't. There are always two sides to every story. If I was Marbury, I might sit on the bench and continue to collect my digits too. At the end of the day he's a man and disrespect is not something men take lightly. How can you sit him on the bench and basically ignore him and then turn around and want to use him because it suits your needs?

I know a lot of people say Stephon got what he deserved but i'll defend him. Yes, he's had his problems and caused some as well but he's a good guy. At least he's trying to do things to affect the communities he came from and those like it. At least he's not out at clubs shooting himself. I hope he finds a place to play and has learned to act in a manner that will make people want to play with and coach him.

I love my New York sports teams, even when they frustrate me to no end.