Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Praying and Worrying

I have been having a tough time with a few things in my life. I'm trying to adopt a new attitude and not worry. I keep telling myself that things will work out the way they're suppose to work out. It's not easy to think that way when your life feels like one big domino effect that won't stop.

I haven't really talked to anyone about what i'm going through. It's just not that effective. An older, wiser friend of mine moved away and we correspond by email. I turn to her a lot when I need a new perspective on things. I emailed her and her response helped me to change my thinking.

My friend said a lot of things in her emails but the one thing that stuck to me was, "If you pray, why worry and if you worry why pray." I say a prayer of thanks every morning and have a conversation with God. I talk to him like the father he is. I speak of what i'm going through, where I am, and mostly where i'd like to be. I pray to be a better person and ask for strength to make it through things.

I've always known that I have to do my part if I want my prayers to be answered. I'm not so sure I did anything with that knowledge. I've always tried to do my best. Did I ask for strength because I felt I did not have it? Was I relying of God to give me strength that I wasn't working for?

Worry has been a huge problem for me. I have worried so much at some times that I could barely function. I worried all day and said a prayer at night, and when I woke up, asking the Lord to help me through things. The cycle went on and things didn't really change that much. If I prayed why did I worry? Did I worry too much to pray?

I have things going on in my life that are not so great. There are also the things that make me feel that I am truly blessed. I have to make my prayers count. They have to mean something. It's just not right to pray for things you aren't working toward. I have to stop the worry. It's time to put in the work to being a stronger person. Things will work out the way they're suppose to. It doesn't always mean I will get my way.

Does God wonders why I bother to pray if i'm not going to act like I want the help I ask for? Blessings don't just come. Change doesn't just come. Effort leads to reward. It's time for me to really let go and let God. I cannot control everything that happens in my life. You can't have a testimony without a test. From this day forward I will do my best to learn a lesson from the hard times. I know that will help me to appreciate the good ones.