Monday, October 26, 2009

I just wanna be successful

Last night I held my crystal ball in my hand. I looked inside and it lit up. I took that as a sign that my future is bright. I can see it. I've finally learned the power of positive thinking. No more blocking my blessings.

I just want to be successful. That doesn't mean I want to be rich. Money's nice but it's not the end all be all. I just want to be able to make my living selling books and be able to live comfortable. That's not a lot to ask.

My success will not come from me sitting in a cubicle every day. It's just not what I want. Happiness is a big part of success and my job definitely doesn't make me happy. I'm sure i'd be ecstatic if I could stay home and write and be the suffering artist. That's not realistic for me. I would love to go out on that limb and quit for my art. I also like having my bills paid.

I just want to be successful.

Throughout my journey I have learned that patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait as long as they put in the work necessary. I'll admit I haven't always been as diligent as I should have been. I've been a procrastinator for a long time. I do my best work under pressure but this is not the time for that. I need to have my stuff together in a timely manner. I don't want to be throwing my book together at the last minute.

I've attempted to write novels before but things just didn't work out. I now realize that I wasn't ready for the process. It wasn't the time. The time is now. I'm very happy with what I have done. I wasn't always ready to share, but now I am.

I just want to be successful.

Success will come when I can get up each day and smile because I am happy with what my day will entail. I'm so far from that right now. I don't like the way I feel when I get up in the morning during the week. The thought of going to work clouds my thoughts. I have let a job bring my spirit down. Realizing it's only a means to an end has slightly lightened the load I felt on my shoulders from 7:30 to 3:30 every week day. This is not it for me.

Unfortunately it took me a long time to get to that place. I stayed on my job because I have some of the best benefits in the state. That's very important. I have a family and my benefits have taken very good care of us all. Family comes first.

I just want to be successful.

I definitely feel that I have been a success as a parent. Things have not always been perfect. I didn't get the rule book when either one of my children were born. I look at them and smile all the time. My daughter is so strong and my son has such a gentle spirit. She's a career woman and he's going to be a father. They will both be successful in the roles they have chosen.

When I first heard I was going to be a grandmother I wasn't sure how to react. My son is 18 years old and a sophomore in college. He's the same age his father was when our daughter was born. It's not what I wanted for him. I had to sit back and think before I reacted to the situation. He has a lot of plans for his life and my first thought was how drastically a child was going to change things.

I will always be there for my children. I wasn't afforded the benefit of the doubt when I got pregnant. No one sat back and took a moment before they reacted. My son's a good guy. His child will be very lucky. He will be a great father and I will support him. He has a job and will continue his college career. It won't be easy, but it will be okay. We both know that now.

I just want to be successful.