Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I'm almost there. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just know things are going to be great when I get to it. I've been doing my best to change the things about myself that I feel have held me back. Soul searching is not an easy thing to do, but i've been doing a lot of it. No matter what, I am determined to be the woman I want to be.
I know we all have our faults, but i'm very hard on myself. For a long time, I felt like I wasn't good enough. My job wasn't good enough, my looks weren't good enough, my efforts weren't good enough, basically, nothing was good enough. I always felt like I could be doing better. I worried about what others thought or how they felt about me so much that it would paralyze me at times. Bit by bit I learned that I am who I am, even when I wasn't satisfied, but I still didn't feel that I was enough.
As I approached the age of 40 I began to soul search like I never had before. It felt funny and I didn't know why it was happening, but I rolled with it. I tried to learn from what I was experiencing. This is when the journey of the woman I am began.
I turned 40 last March and my personality began to change. I will be 41 soon and I feel like a different person. My eyes have been opened to so many things. It almost feels like i'm living in a new, unshackled world. I have a slip up now and then, but I don't really concentrate on the opinions of others. This is my life and I have to live it according to what is best for me. I've always known that I can't please everyone but still tried. Right now i'm more into my own feelings, thoughts, and emotions first and foremost. It feels really good.
I also started writing my book before I turned 40. I'm still in the editing stages but I feel great about what i've written. I had a light at the end of the tunnel moment with that too. There was a time when I wouldn't even think about sharing my writing talent with the world. Now I can't wait to add my skills to the universe.
Life is good. I may not have the job I want or live in the house I want, but I know that all things come in time. The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.