Thursday, April 30, 2009

One of my favorite bloggers, A Free Spirit Butterfly, had a haiku contest a few weeks ago. I was lucky enough to be one of the winners. As a prize I was sent a box of goodies. I love getting gifts! It was fun opening the box because I kept pulling things out. She sent me a journal, photo album, refrigerator magnet, aromatherapy shower gel, notecards, and a plaque that I hung in my bathroom. The plaque said, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

I was thinking about that question today and asked a couple of people. They both said they would rob a bank. I had to laugh. When I first saw the question my answer was easy and immediate. I didn't even think about money. I thought about my passion. I would love to quit my "job" and write books for a living. It's a dream that i've had for some time. Those who go out on limbs and dive into what they want to do without worrying about bills and such really impress me. Oh, how I wish I could take that leap. The thing is, i'm all about security. It relieves me to know that my bills are paid. My mind needs to be at ease.

In the past I would start writing books and short stories and never finish. I'd be into it for a little while and just stop writing out of the blue. All of my old notebooks are in storage. I don't really read through them, but I will never throw them away. They're an important part of my journey. The book I wrote would not have been possible without all of the test runs. When I started writing this time I was determined to finish.

I loved the time I spent writing my book. I carried my spiral notebooks with me everywhere and wrote whenever I had the chance. It was a wonderful experience. I felt like a writer. I've always known that I was born to put pen to paper, but I FELT it more than ever while writing this book. My adrenaline flowed every time my pen touched those pages. I can only imagine how happy I would be if it was my career.

No matter what happens as far as sales go, I am already successful. I wrote a book and nothing can change that. If I sell one or one million copies, I accomplished something and it feels so good. It's wonderful to know what that thing is that makes you happy, that thing that makes you feel complete. I know that I was put on this earth to write.

If I think about that question again, I may have to change my answer because as long as i'm writing I can never fail.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


I cannot stand when someone in my house cooks eggs and puts the shells back in the carton. This morning I was fixing breakfast and pulled one out of the refrigerator that contained two eggs and ten egg carcasses. Even though we had two more cartons of eggs in the fridge, I was still pissed off. What is the purpose of leaving the shells in the carton?

Looking at the eggshells made me think. It seems like everything makes me think lately. I'm at a point in my life where I don't take anything at face value. Even eggshells in a carton have meaning. I stood at the counter looking at the shells and starting thinking about how they applied to my life.

There was a time when I held everything in. Things would bother me, but I would either internalize them or speak on them in an incomplete manner, like eggshells in a carton. The issue would just lay there until eventually i'd decide to face the situation and get rid of it. I was like that for a long time.

My issues stayed closed up in my carton of emotions. The thing is, they can't stay like that forever. It took me a long time to realize that. I was so busy worrying about hurting people's feelings that I didn't stop to think about all the empty shells I was leaving in my carton. There were also times when I just didn't want to deal. The problem is, when you don't get things off your chest they build up and become worse.

I still have my moments, but i've really been trying to deal with things that bother me better than I have in the past. When I was approaching 40, I went into this phase where I didn't give a damn what anyone thought. I went a little too far. As i'm learning more about the after 40 me i've learned to reign it in without holding on to things that I shouldn't. I feel much better.

My friends said they felt different when they reached 40 but I wasn't sure if I would be affected. Not only was I affected, i'm infected. The changes are flowing through my blood. I'm a new and improved me and I like it. I've realized that I will always be a work in progress. Things are constantly changing and I am really enjoying life.

I'm so open that eggshells in a carton lead to thoughts about life...