Thursday, January 29, 2009

I'm A Work in Progress

I'm changing
I can feel it
I learn something new every day
I'm so open
So ready
To be the woman I need to be
I'm a work in progress
I'm changing
Spinning around in circles
Trying to find the right direction
My mind's like a sponge
The problem is
Sometimes my heart
Feels like an open wound
Every feeling seems to come from there
But it's okay
I'm changing
My eyes are opening
Opening wide
So much is being exposed to me
I'm beginning to see people
For who they really are
And it's not always that pleasant
What do you do
When you're changing
You're a work in progress
And see all the setbacks of life
Setbacks that you don't like
You look at people and wonder
Is this who you've always been?
How did I not know?
Your rose colored glasses removed
You see reality
What do you do now?
Keep working?
Keep progressing?
Or go back to your old ways?
The ways that put you in a rut
The ways that held you back
Can't do that
Gotta move forward
I'm a work in progress
Ever changing
Yet staying the same
Rose colored glasses removed
Replaced by eyes on the prize
Self love
A new way of thinking
It's all leading up to something
My heart knows
It's going to take time
And a whole lot of work
To be her, that woman
The one deep inside you
She's stirring around
Ready to explode
Eventually she'll show herself
But for now
You're still
A work in progress

Hurt Feelings

Wow! I got my feelings hurt big time this morning. This is more of a venting post than an infomational one. I'm not going to go into details, but all I can say is it's really painful to be left out. Today is a pretty sad day for me. It's the worst when you walk around with that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't shake. I have a feeling that it's going to be there for a while.

I'm not a perfect person. I don't always call or stay in touch with people the way I should and I definitely own that. I'm sort of a loner and hardly ever use the phone when i'm at home. I'll send someone a text message in a minute, but i'm trying not to do that as much because my bill was out of this world last month. I had to laugh. That's what I get for not wanting to talk on the phone.

I never thought that, even though I don't call the way I should, certain people would leave me out of things, especially celebrations where everyone else is present. There are always certain people in your life that you may not talk to, but when the time comes to get together, you get together. I didn't find out until this morning that I wasn't even thought about in the equation. At first I was totally pissed off, but that angry quickly turned to hurt. I put up an extra tough exterior, but I am a total marshmellow when it comes to certain things and certain people. I actually shed a tear when I got to work this morning.

To make matters worse, no one thinks it's a big deal. That added to the hurt i'm feeling. I'm not playing the victim card at all. I feel that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I have always known my place on the outside of certain relationships, but never wanted to admit the truth. My husband has been talking to me about it for years, but it's hard to face certain things. This recent situation put the facts right in my face.

I've been saying things were going to change for me in 2009 and I meant it. When people treat your feeling like they're nothing it has to serve as a wake up call. Well, i'm awake. I really do feel like something is moving in my life right now and maybe certain things are moving out. I don't know. The only thing I can do is let go and let God.

My days of dwelling on things have to end. This must be a test. I have to move on and look forward to the good things that are coming my way and leave the hurt feelings behind. If I could only get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Rude People

I cannot stand rude people! I hate it when i'm walking down the street and move out of the way of someone coming my way and they keep walking, without moving, and bump into me. It makes me so angry! What about the person that steps on your foot and looks at you without saying anything? Don't get me started on that one.

What happened to common courtesy? It seems like people don't have it anymore. There's a particular person I know who walks in my house like they live there, and doesn't speak. I was raised to know that you always speak when you walk into a room. How can you walk into a space occupied by people and act as if they're not there? Who the hell are you?

I was sitting at my desk one afternoon and my manager walked over and grabbed my mouse and started looking for something like I wasn't sitting there. I pushed her hand off the mouse and asked her if there was something I could help her with. How dare she do that? Is it me, or was that rude? I know it was rude and I don't know why I asked. I just started working with this person and I realize the other people in the department let her do and say whatever she wants. That is not, and will never be, me. I demand that my personal space is respected.

Personal space is very important to me. I hate when i'm standing on line and someone is so close to me that I can barely move. I try so hard not to lose my temper, but it's hard. Why are you up on me like that? Get out of my space. We do not know each other! That's rude.

Another thing I cannot stand is when you're talking to someone and someone else interupts like a conversation wasn't going on. Hello! Can you wait until we're done? I'm pretty sure that whatever you had to say wasn't that important, and if it was you could have at least said excuse me. That's rude.

Speaking of conversations, what about when you're talking to someone and they cut you off and start talking about something else? It's obvious that they really didn't give a damn about what you were saying. That's rude.

I was on a crowded but the other day and this man had this big ass bag on his back. I was holding on to the pole in front of a person who was about to get up. When I went to sit down, he took his bag and knocked me out of the way. I probably would have smacked him if I wasn't in shock. Everyone on the bus was looking at him like he was crazy. I'm trying to change in 2009 so I chalked it up to his bag being heavy. (I DID WANT TO BUST HIS ASS)

Do rude people know they're rude? Do they not care? What rude things bother you? Or are you the rude one.