Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Almost There

I'm almost there. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just know things are going to be great when I get to it. I've been doing my best to change the things about myself that I feel have held me back. Soul searching is not an easy thing to do, but i've been doing a lot of it. No matter what, I am determined to be the woman I want to be.

I know we all have our faults, but i'm very hard on myself. For a long time, I felt like I wasn't good enough. My job wasn't good enough, my looks weren't good enough, my efforts weren't good enough, basically, nothing was good enough. I always felt like I could be doing better. I worried about what others thought or how they felt about me so much that it would paralyze me at times. Bit by bit I learned that I am who I am, even when I wasn't satisfied, but I still didn't feel that I was enough.

As I approached the age of 40 I began to soul search like I never had before. It felt funny and I didn't know why it was happening, but I rolled with it. I tried to learn from what I was experiencing. This is when the journey of the woman I am began.

I turned 40 last March and my personality began to change. I will be 41 soon and I feel like a different person. My eyes have been opened to so many things. It almost feels like i'm living in a new, unshackled world. I have a slip up now and then, but I don't really concentrate on the opinions of others. This is my life and I have to live it according to what is best for me. I've always known that I can't please everyone but still tried. Right now i'm more into my own feelings, thoughts, and emotions first and foremost. It feels really good.

I also started writing my book before I turned 40. I'm still in the editing stages but I feel great about what i've written. I had a light at the end of the tunnel moment with that too. There was a time when I wouldn't even think about sharing my writing talent with the world. Now I can't wait to add my skills to the universe.

Life is good. I may not have the job I want or live in the house I want, but I know that all things come in time. The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.



A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

GOOD Morning Tammy, your 2nd and last paragraphs are for me as well. I started transforming my life when I turned 4o and will be 45 this July. I'm here to testify that it's only going to get better. I've reached a place where the only opinion matters is the Lords.

Welcome to "your life." No one can live it for you and only GOD judges... We are indeed our worst critics.

PS. Give your husband "Congrats" for me and I'm excited that the two of you paid a visit to the Lord's House and I'm sure that HE would love to see you there again.

Love, peace and blessings for your unfinished but exciting journey trhough the 40s!

Strongblkwmn said...

Your words always make me smile. I've enjoyed sharing your journey and hope that mine lands me in the comforting place yours has.

Strongblkwmn said...
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Keith said...

I'll be 51 in March...I'm still soul searching Tammy...I'm waiting for my light at the end of the tunnel moment.

Strongblkwmn said...

Keith - Someone said that to me the other day. I've just been goig through a lot of self discovery lately. I know the journey never really ends. I'm just loving life a lot more and appreciating my blessings.

Solomon said...

I've been doing a lot of soul searching the last couple years also.

Whenever I get stuck I need to remember that things will get better, God always takes care of me.