Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ode to Blog Killa

I've been thinking a lot about this and that lately and trying to figure things out. My life hasn't been perfect by any means. I have been through some things, and i'm sure put people through things. No one is perfect, at least I know i'm not.

I know that I have changed and still have a lot of growing to do. I decided to look back through my old posts to see if the growth showed in my words. As I was reading through, I came across a few anonymous comments from someone who named themselves, "Blog Killa." After a little bit of consideration, i'm pretty sure I figured out who it was.

I started this blog as a means of self expression. I know that I am not always the easiest person to get along with. I'm aware of the fact that most people cannot handle certain parts of my personality that may not be all sunshine and light. I get that, I own that, and i'm fine with that. What I am not fine with is someone making negative comments on my blog anonymously. I cannot stand that.

We all have things that we need to work through. I don't know anyone who was raised in a perfect home, lived in a perfect neighborhood, went to the perfect schools, and had the perfect parents. I guess those people exist, but I don't know any of them. We do the best we can with the tools we are given and live our lives to the best of our abilities. Hopefully, we learn from the mistakes of those who came before us.

I've noticed that all the soul searching I have been doing has opened my eyes to a lot of things, but closed my heart as well. I'm beginning to see a lot of people, places, and things for what they are. Sometimes the things I see hurt my feelings, other times they make me angry, and there are times when they make me stronger. I'm trying to learn how to work through all the emotions I find myself going through and it's not very easy, but then again life isn't easy.

The learning never ends. Sometimes you do the best you can and think you did a pretty good job and find out that you were totally wrong. Then again, there are times when you think you did terribly and find out it was just the opposite. You never know. You can't be all things to all people. I guess the only thing you can do is be true to yourself. I've had a hard time with that in the past because I felt like I didn't know who my true self was. I'm getting there, but i'm still searching for all that is me.

Blogging is so crazy. I intended this post to go in one direction and it seems to have taken off in another. It's all good. These are my thoughts...

Anyway, you're in my prayers "Blog Killa." Maybe the day will come when you are able to work up the courage not to be anonymous.


CareyCarey said...

Okay, "am the babies daddy"... "that be my baby sir" ...just kidding *smile*

Hello Tammy ...yes, you went in a few directions but that's cool. feelings and emotion are crazy things, we all have them. I've found it best to know them so that I can own them and then move through them. Some wish to project their feeling onto others. meaning, its their fault because I feel this way. That is a formula for a miserable life. I've found that I generally receive the same emotion I give another. I am not saying a person should not get happy, sad, mad or sad, but if I do experience any of those emotion and other "I" need to find out why and own my part of the street. I think it all about being honest and many can never be honest to themselves because then it's their job to fix themself. AND, then their no one to blame. If a person gives a smile they generally will receive one. If they give blame, they too will receive it. You're doing good.

SLC said...

Hey sis.
When you wrote, "I'm getting there", it reminded me of something I read recently, written by a beautiful person.

Constantly tripping
Suitcase packed for the journey
Destination self

Have a lovely weekend.

Strongblkwmn said...

Carey - You are definitely right. I'm working my way through some things. I'll be fine. I'm trying to do the "I" and not the "they." It's not always easy.

SLC - Thanks for throwing that back at me. I needed it. LOL

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Hey sister, I'm praying for the Blog Killa. Enough about him/her

It's National Poetry Month for us Passionate Writers, where's your poem??? Let us have it and stop keeping all that stuff inside (lol)

I wrote something last night in the stillness of me, check it out on my poetry blog when you get a chance. Like you, I'm still growing and discovering.... The haters will do what they do best, "HATE."

Love ya!

Keith said...

Hey Tammy, thanks for your encouraging words today...We are all working through things...Some of our things are deeper than others. Pray and Perservere.

As for "Blog Killa"..Do you want to trade your crazy for my crazy?
I have two anonymous posters (One a right wing nut, who has stopped posting things and the other primarily posts on "Escapades" telling me that she's tossing her underwear out the window or up in the sky or what not..She's a loon..
I'll trade you.-lololol.

The Fitness Diva said...

LOL! about Blog Killa! Wow!
Aren't people just silly and strange??

Like them thinking that hating what you do is enough to make you stop. No, that usually only just adds fuel to the right person's fire, DUH!
By the way, anonymous commenters and those 'hiding' behind mysterious names are cowards, straight up!
LOL again!

Anyway, yeah, life constantly teaches you. The older you get, the less fuzzy shit gets....and sometimes you don't like what you are now able to see!
But hey, as long as you can still look around and see the people and things that really matter to you the most still there for you,
that's all you can ask for. ;)

Strongblkwmn said...

Hey Folks,

I love this blogging thing because it allows me to vent. That is definitely what this post was. I needed to get that out. Like Fitness Diva said, I am fueled by the naysayers.

I'm loving my forties. I never thought I would find out so much about myself. My mind is a sponge and i'm ready for whatever comes.