Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wow! I got my feelings hurt big time this morning. This is more of a venting post than an infomational one. I'm not going to go into details, but all I can say is it's really painful to be left out. Today is a pretty sad day for me. It's the worst when you walk around with that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't shake. I have a feeling that it's going to be there for a while.
I'm not a perfect person. I don't always call or stay in touch with people the way I should and I definitely own that. I'm sort of a loner and hardly ever use the phone when i'm at home. I'll send someone a text message in a minute, but i'm trying not to do that as much because my bill was out of this world last month. I had to laugh. That's what I get for not wanting to talk on the phone.
I never thought that, even though I don't call the way I should, certain people would leave me out of things, especially celebrations where everyone else is present. There are always certain people in your life that you may not talk to, but when the time comes to get together, you get together. I didn't find out until this morning that I wasn't even thought about in the equation. At first I was totally pissed off, but that angry quickly turned to hurt. I put up an extra tough exterior, but I am a total marshmellow when it comes to certain things and certain people. I actually shed a tear when I got to work this morning.
To make matters worse, no one thinks it's a big deal. That added to the hurt i'm feeling. I'm not playing the victim card at all. I feel that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I have always known my place on the outside of certain relationships, but never wanted to admit the truth. My husband has been talking to me about it for years, but it's hard to face certain things. This recent situation put the facts right in my face.
I've been saying things were going to change for me in 2009 and I meant it. When people treat your feeling like they're nothing it has to serve as a wake up call. Well, i'm awake. I really do feel like something is moving in my life right now and maybe certain things are moving out. I don't know. The only thing I can do is let go and let God.
My days of dwelling on things have to end. This must be a test. I have to move on and look forward to the good things that are coming my way and leave the hurt feelings behind. If I could only get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach...