Thursday, January 29, 2009

Hurt Feelings

Wow! I got my feelings hurt big time this morning. This is more of a venting post than an infomational one. I'm not going to go into details, but all I can say is it's really painful to be left out. Today is a pretty sad day for me. It's the worst when you walk around with that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't shake. I have a feeling that it's going to be there for a while.

I'm not a perfect person. I don't always call or stay in touch with people the way I should and I definitely own that. I'm sort of a loner and hardly ever use the phone when i'm at home. I'll send someone a text message in a minute, but i'm trying not to do that as much because my bill was out of this world last month. I had to laugh. That's what I get for not wanting to talk on the phone.

I never thought that, even though I don't call the way I should, certain people would leave me out of things, especially celebrations where everyone else is present. There are always certain people in your life that you may not talk to, but when the time comes to get together, you get together. I didn't find out until this morning that I wasn't even thought about in the equation. At first I was totally pissed off, but that angry quickly turned to hurt. I put up an extra tough exterior, but I am a total marshmellow when it comes to certain things and certain people. I actually shed a tear when I got to work this morning.

To make matters worse, no one thinks it's a big deal. That added to the hurt i'm feeling. I'm not playing the victim card at all. I feel that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I have always known my place on the outside of certain relationships, but never wanted to admit the truth. My husband has been talking to me about it for years, but it's hard to face certain things. This recent situation put the facts right in my face.

I've been saying things were going to change for me in 2009 and I meant it. When people treat your feeling like they're nothing it has to serve as a wake up call. Well, i'm awake. I really do feel like something is moving in my life right now and maybe certain things are moving out. I don't know. The only thing I can do is let go and let God.

My days of dwelling on things have to end. This must be a test. I have to move on and look forward to the good things that are coming my way and leave the hurt feelings behind. If I could only get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach...


Stacye said...

Oh, ok let me say this, you and I are truly from the same pod. Hey, you said it yourself this is a test and how you handle it this time determines if you face it again. I have learned that we have to make the best of each day and if there are individuals that leave us out of certain events then they are missing out on our involvment and not the other way around. Sure it hurts but when I look at it that way God fills my heart with JOY because He lets me know that I am important to Him and he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy my own. Thank God for another day to get it right!

Love Ya,

Strongblkwmn said...

Thanks Stacye. Your words always give me something to think about.

Keith said...

Don't Dwell on it...Move on like you say or (shameless plug here)like the title of my post tomorrow-
"Think of something Happy"

You may find out that later on that it was a good thing you weren't included in whatever type of get together it was.

Living Well is the best revenge!

The Fitness Diva said...

Hm. I feel you on this one, too.

That hurt feeling is a bitch, too, especially when it comes from someone you considered a friend, and then also realize you valued them more than they valued you.

It lingers. When you think of the person, that same feeling will pop right back up. But that's okay, because if it didn't, you wouldn't be a sane, rational human.

Chalk it up, take notes, and put that person on a lesser level of importance in your life.

Yes, some people shed on out of your life just like skin. But you know what? You'll just grow new skin, stronger and better than the last one!
Hope you feel better about it soon!

Strongblkwmn said...

Keith - It's funny you said "think of something happy." That's what I said I was going to try and do. I'm still really hurt, but like you said living well is the best revenge.

Diva - I absolutely love the shedding skin analogy. It's so on point. I definitely feel like i'm growing new skin and that is why i'm being shown people's true colors.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

The only way to get the pit out, is to go through it and not around it. Audrey Chapman (A WHUR radio therapist) says that anything that hurts us has to take it's mourning process before we can move on and if we don't go through it, it will bury itself and resurface.

Feel what your feeling and breathe and then give praise that you felt what you felt.

The butterfly

Strongblkwmn said...

Thanks Butterfly. That is how I was looking at it. I'm easing my way through the experience, but I am appreciative of it because I learned some things and had to face the reality of what I didn't want to admit.