Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm kind of shy. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. It's not easy for me to be instantly comfortable in certain situations. I have to sit back and see what's going on. I don't warm up to people immediately. There are times when people assume that I am anti-social or stuck up because of this. That really doesn't matter to me because those are probably people I won't miss getting to know.

I'm very selective with who I let into my world. I've always been that way. It's the way i'm made. I'm not the type of person who will sit down with someone I just met and tell them my life story. I actually cannot stand when people do that. I was on the elevator the other day and before the woman who was riding up with me got to her floor, I knew what her job was, how much she made, how much her tax refund was, and how she knew she should have cheated on her taxes like she usually does because she was honest and didn't get anything back. I just smiled. She didn't know me from Eve. Why was she telling me all of her business?

I've often gone back and forth trying to decide if I should change my ways. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are of high quality. I've never been one who had to be a social butterfly. I actually prefer being alone. I like to spend time with my family and go out with my husband. There just always seems to be something crazy, fake, or annoying going on that I don't want to deal with. That's just how I am.

Am I a loner? In a lot of ways I am. I think it's part of my writer's spirit. I'd rather get lost in words than just about anything else. I don't have time to mess around with people's bull. I've been that way for years. Over those years, I have encountered a lot of hate because I choose to stay to myself. I guess it bothers people. Folks are always confused by things they don't understand, and that confusion leads to them trying to attach a label. I've been given many labels, and they don't usually fit.

I always hear, "I didn't think you were so cool," or "You're nothing like I thought you would be." I just laugh. The only way anyone would know how I really am is if I choose it to be. Am I wrong for that? Don't get me wrong. I know how to have a good time. People enjoy my company once they get to know me. I'm just selective with who I let in.

The funny thing is, there are people who would be shocked to hear me say that I am shy. I have a crazy sense of humor and I know i'm fun to be around. I love to laugh and have a good time. Some people have never seen the other side of me. I guess that's because I chose to let them in.

I guess i'm misunderstood in a lot of ways. The thing is, I don't think I care. I've heard things said about me by people who know nothing about me. They've passed judgment on who I am or what i'm about with absolutely nothing to back their statements up. I didn't get angry; I moved on. They were simply not people I needed to know.

Those who matter know the real me. They know the intelligent, thoughtful, crazy, brash, sensitive, lovable me. Those are the people I care about. I'm not sure if I want to let anyone else into my circle. Recently someone told me I should always be open to making new friends. I told them I wasn't against making new friends, I just wasn't searching for any. That's my choice. I'd rather leave it up to the universe and see what happens.


The Fitness Diva said...

Girl, I hear you totally on being judged wrong. The great thing that comes with getting older is that you get better at not giving a damn!
Also, people categorize you according to what makes THEM feel comfortable mentally. If you're not all up on them, or trying to be part of their thing/crowd, they need to see you as "stuck up" or "all about yourself", because that works better for their ego.

I also like when people assume me to be less intelligent than them in some way without ever having had an in depth convo with me. I'm like, "you seriously have NO clue who you're dealing with, do you?".
I can rock your world on the intellectual tip anytime I feel like it, but most of the time, I'm just chilling and having fun with people. ;)

As long as the people that matter to you know what an incredible person you really are, that's all that counts! The rest of those fools...let 'em stay in the dark! ;)

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

That's funny. We really have a lot in common.

Just continuing be you. I'm glad you opened up just enough to start a blog (smile)

I'm working 5 blogs and 98 friends on Facebook, but really I'm shy too (lol) Oh and I forgot, I love open MIC poetry readings (smile)

Sunshinelovespeace said...

You be reading my mind! I have been accused of being snotty, stuck up, thinking I'm too good...

And it really boils down to the fact that I just like to keep to myself or to the people that I know and am comfortable with. I was just thinking about the fact that I hate talking on the phone(and whether that makes me strange or out of the loop or…whatever). I am a person that would much rather have in person conversations with people that are actually important to me, like my husband and close friends.
My hatred of phone conversations makes a lot of people think I'm one of the aforementioned things because I am not calling them all the time pouring out details of my life. I just happen to be a woman perhaps born in the wrong century. I just like organic connections and sitting with a phone glued to my face is just not me.
Does that make me anti-social or weird or whatever? IONO and I really don't care. Those who matter, know the deal.
Just keep doing you and let the haters keep doing their jobs!

Strongblkwmn said...

Diva - I definitely feel you on the intellectual thing. I love it when people underestimate how smart I am. I just laugh at their ignorance.

Butterfly - I still have to get with the facebook thing. I'm glad I started blogging too.

Sunshine - I'm not a phone person either. Like you said, organic connections are the best.

CareyCarey said...

Hello Tammy

I found your site by visiting Miss Butterfly. I wrote a poem about being "Misunderstood" its actually on my front page.

Being misunderstood can be discomforting. I penned a post because I didn't want to be phoney or viewed in anyway other than who I am. I like your voice and will continue to seek your words.

Btw, I loved Harlem. I can stand up and say I've eaten food on 125th street ...yes sir ...been to the Apolo too *smile*

This was strange ...I also ate at a place called Cinncinati Fried chicken Harlem ...go figure *smile*

Keith said...

Hi Tammy..I personally understand where you are coming from, even though I am probably your polar opposite. I respect people's right to be who they are.

It is always better to get to know someone rather than to pre judge.
Still you have a right to be whoever you are.

Strongblkwmn said...

Carey - Thank you for visiting and following. I'm glad you liked my city. I love it. I think there's a fried chicken place named after every state you can find. There's a Texas Fried down the block from me.

Keith - I had the feeling you were my opposite, but not the type to judge. Your words definitely show that.

The Fitness Diva said...

LOL about the Texas Fried chicken! ;)

CareyCarey said...

I just stopped back through to see how the shy one was doing. I guess you are doing okay're not writng anything bad :-)

Joy said...

That is very common. Your writing however is very warm and inviting.

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