Thursday, July 10, 2008

My First Blog

This is my first blog. I've always wanted to do something like this, but I never took the time to actually do it. Actually, that's kind of been my problem in life. There have been so many things that I have WANTED to do but just didn't. There wasn't always an excuse or a reason, I just didn't.

When I turned 40 earlier this year, I vowed that I would do more. I've been on this earth for 40 years and it's time I do me. If I want to go out, I should go out. If I want to shop, I should shop. If I don't want to do shit, then I won't. Like Bobby Brown said, "It's my prerogative." It's my time. I'm a grown ass woman!

My children are on their way to having good lives. I don't have to worry about them as much as I do but, hey, i'm a mother and that's what I do damnit! I worry. I worry that I wasn't a good enough mother, I worry that they will be okay when they're on their own, I worry, worry, worry, and I will continue to do so for the rest of their lives so they should just get use to it.

One thing I do not worry about is who I raised. The fact that two people of such high character came from my womb makes me feel like i've done my job. I added quality to the world. I remember carrying them. I remember being a mother at the age of 17 and having people tell me I would fail. I remember lying on the table preparing to give birth and having the black doctor and nurse lecture me about the mistake I made. That is something I will never forget. I wish I could find them both and tell them that my mistake has earned a Master's degree and is shaping young minds as a pre-school teacher. I'd also like to give them the finger for their insensitivity and lack of professionalism, but it is what it is.

I look at my son and he reminds me so much of my father, who is no longer with us. My father was a wild boy, but my son has all of his delicate qualities. The ability to listen, be empathetic, and give advice that will wrap a situation up in a neat little box is the one that stands out most.

Speaking of my father, I really miss him. We didn't see each other a lot, but he was still one of my best friends. Like I mentioned, he was such a good listener. I could talk to him about any and everything. His advice about all situations always made me feel better. I miss his ear and his shoulder to cry on. I pray that he is resting in peace.

My son graduated from high school, second in his class a few weeks ago and I thought of my father the entire time. He would have been soooooooooo proud of his grandson. The same thing happened when my daughter graduated from college. I could feel his smiling and hear him saying, "Good job Bugaloo." I miss him and hope I can do him proud with the life I live.

This has been my first blog.....

14 comments:

Char said...

Nice job. I enjoyed reading your blog. As your sister I learned things about you that I didn't know. It takes courage to tell others of the negative feelings you had or have about yourself, and it takes confidence to share all the positive feelings you have about yourself and some of your accomplishments. You have always been a rockin mom, and I wish WE could find those asshole doctors to give them a piece of our minds, and to tell them how wrong they were about you.

As far as turning 40 and doing you I totally agree. You live for you, and you do wtf you want to do. Stay positive and motivated. oh, and take care. Hahahahahahaha.

Tara said...

Tammy I must solute you as a mother and a aspiring writing.

Your on your way girl, and it doesn't look like anything or anyone can stop you. It's been a pleasure knowing you for many years.

You have definately contributed to society with the positive human beings you've put on this earth. You've raised two beautiful people.

Your mothering skills can leave a person speechless, but I have three words to say "I COMMEND YOU" job well done.

YOU ROCK!

Luv Trix!

Afrika said...

Great job on your first blog girl. Congratulations on learning how to and doing YOU!!! You have inspired me.

Free

Anonymous said...

Right on my Sister!
I want to address the worrying...I too am a writer (lol). I also read a lot and this woman named Sarah Young writes in a devotional," stop worrying long enough to her my voice. Ask My Spirit to quiet your mind so that you can think My thoughts. This abilitiy is an awesome benefit of being My child pattened in my own image.'
This excerpt only exemplifies the true character and integrity you possess. You have been a vessel of the true essence of yourself. Everything you can be and will be shall live on in the legacy of your children and that wonderful family you have. The LOVE is always demonstrated and manifested when I am in your presence. I salute your energy and motivation to BE ALL YOU CAN BE!
Meanwhile, I hope the book is a real trashy, well-written novel that I can't put down. And I hope you make a hell of a lot of money.
Keep bloggin..when can we get a couple of page tuners of your book?
And for the youngins...40+ is like seasoning chicken and letting it sit for a while. The longer it sits, THE BETTER IT TASTES!
Holla.

Lamika said...

I'm very proud of you, Ma. Love you.

Anonymous said...

Ashe!! I am proud of you for stepping up to the plate. The devil is a liar. trust that you are not the first Black woman to have a child and have self-doubt creep in. am I doing the right thing? Who am I to be having a child at whatever age? then I look at my miracle and know that I am better than blessed. God loves me and He knew that I would love my son into consciousness.

You did the best you could with what you had and God handled the rest. Your son is a blessing!! Your daughter has it going on!! Your time has come. You wanna write? well, get the pen and paper and do your thing. you have a story to tell. you are an anomaly!! A strong black woman that did not give up or give in. you kept the faith and God kept his promise to you. Your children have the foundation necessary for success and God has them. So job well done, sistah. When's the book coming out!! I keep saying one of these summers I am going to write a book. I got plenty of shit to say too! lol I am soooo proud of you. Thank you for having the courage to trust me to be one of your son's teachers.

Don't worry about those doctors because the best revenge is to live well.

sherwin said...

Congratulation, Great job with your blog but most of all great job in just being you. You have always being a special and gifted young lady. One thing that you took after your Dad was that whatever you set your mind to do you can do it. I am so proud of you and your family. So now as you have told your children spread yor wings and fly. There is so much in life for you. You have just started living at 40 this was your first chapter in life, this is what my mother told me. Now,the next chapter is up to you, your future is up to you. God has so much more for you and remember you can not change your pass but you can change your future. Your pass just make you stronger and better in the future. I miss your father so much too!! He changed my life, he made me the man that I am by the advice he gave me. He always told me that I could do anything that I wanted to in life if I just set my mind to do it and don't let no one or nothing stand in the way. So just take these words of your father and run with them also. I love you and love the great mother, wife, and friend you have become. Keep pressing forward for the high calling and the prize that God has for you. Keep the faith Forward Action In Trusting in Him! BE BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE YOU,
Uncle Lee

The Fitness Diva said...

Welcome to the blog universe, Tammy!
I enjoyed reading your first entries, and they have helped me to know you a lot more!
Keep it up, and keep "doing you".
Only good things will follow!

Yvonne

Anonymous said...

Great job! Ny is very expencive I can't take it sometimes. There are a lot of free things to do. 40 is the best time to start focusing on yourself. It's time to do you BOO!

Anonymous said...

Hey Girl, I wanted you to know how very proud of you I am and the great accomplishments you have made in your life. You're a great wife, daughter, mother, sister, neice and friend. Your life has seemingly been a good one. I am certain that your father is looking down on you each day and he too can't help but be proud of his babygirl. I miss him also as he was always making us laugh and he adored you. You have raised two wonderful individuals and it is a blessing that they have continued on the right path of life and made you (and Eddie) proud parents. Of course, they too are talented and intelligent individuals who will surely make an impact in the lives of others. I'm proud of them also. Continue to do you; and do what makes you happy for we are responsible for our own happiness and no one else. Take one day at a time and be the best that you can be at all things. I love you and I'm here for you. Girl, I didn't know you we forty!!!! Time flies when you're not looking!!!!! Love Ya, Auntie Ann

Anonymous said...

Wow RS, Always knew you were a strong woman. What a great blog. Bookie RTVP

Ratique Young said...

I just want to say that you are the best mom a son can ask for! Some people don't have moms and i have and will appreciate you as my mom. Thank you for all you have done for me! I know I make you proud and I always will because I know it makes you real happy! Thank you for making my sister she is someone like no other! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOM!!

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Hey Ms. Tammy, I'm just getting to this post, you know Don can keep you up all night reading his stuff... I swear we have so much in common. I was pregnant at 17 and the doctors said, "see ya next year." I didn't get angry until years later when I looked back. I feel the same, "look at us now." I bet they didn't say that to the white-girls. Sorry, I got off track. I'm sorry about your dad. I too worry a lot, but no where near as much as I used to. I'm giving it to God and I feel ten pounds lighter already. I pray that all good things come your way and that now you've opened Pandora's Box, the sky's the limit. Hope to meet with you one day in the Poetry Cafe, "stage name China" smile. Love, peace and blessings!

SLC said...

Ok I'm a little late.
I'm taking a tour of my loved ones blogs and reading their first posts.
It's awesome! You started by talking about doing you and now you've moved to the next stage in the publishing of your novel.
This tour is awesome.
You and FreeSpirit have been hanging Since the beginning!
Wish I had been there but better late than never.