My First Blog

This is my first blog. I've always wanted to do something like this, but I never took the time to actually do it. Actually, that's kind of been my problem in life. There have been so many things that I have WANTED to do but just didn't. There wasn't always an excuse or a reason, I just didn't.

When I turned 40 earlier this year, I vowed that I would do more. I've been on this earth for 40 years and it's time I do me. If I want to go out, I should go out. If I want to shop, I should shop. If I don't want to do shit, then I won't. Like Bobby Brown said, "It's my prerogative." It's my time. I'm a grown ass woman!

My children are on their way to having good lives. I don't have to worry about them as much as I do but, hey, i'm a mother and that's what I do damnit! I worry. I worry that I wasn't a good enough mother, I worry that they will be okay when they're on their own, I worry, worry, worry, and I will continue to do so for the rest of their lives so they should just get use to it.

One thing I do not worry about is who I raised. The fact that two people of such high character came from my womb makes me feel like i've done my job. I added quality to the world. I remember carrying them. I remember being a mother at the age of 17 and having people tell me I would fail. I remember lying on the table preparing to give birth and having the black doctor and nurse lecture me about the mistake I made. That is something I will never forget. I wish I could find them both and tell them that my mistake has earned a Master's degree and is shaping young minds as a pre-school teacher. I'd also like to give them the finger for their insensitivity and lack of professionalism, but it is what it is.

I look at my son and he reminds me so much of my father, who is no longer with us. My father was a wild boy, but my son has all of his delicate qualities. The ability to listen, be empathetic, and give advice that will wrap a situation up in a neat little box is the one that stands out most.

Speaking of my father, I really miss him. We didn't see each other a lot, but he was still one of my best friends. Like I mentioned, he was such a good listener. I could talk to him about any and everything. His advice about all situations always made me feel better. I miss his ear and his shoulder to cry on. I pray that he is resting in peace.

My son graduated from high school, second in his class a few weeks ago and I thought of my father the entire time. He would have been soooooooooo proud of his grandson. The same thing happened when my daughter graduated from college. I could feel his smiling and hear him saying, "Good job Bugaloo." I miss him and hope I can do him proud with the life I live.

This has been my first blog.....