Thursday, October 2, 2008

I Just Want To Write

I get up at 5:30, Monday through Friday, and get dressed to go to work. It's not what I want to do but the bills have to get paid. These mornings are getting harder and harder. There are some mornings that I hit the snooze button so many times I lose count.

Working for other people is not what I want to do. I'm a writer dammit! My book is almost done and the last thing I want to do is help someone else's business progress. I want to work on my own creation. All I can think of when i'm at work is how to get the character i'm working on to the end. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but time is not allowing me to get there.

I want that feeling. The feeling you get when you know you love what you do, that's what i'm looking for. I just want to write. I'm a writer dammit! It's what I should be doing for a living, how I should be making my money. I'm so good at it, can't live without it.

I'm on edge. It would be great if I could lock myself in a room and write. I don't care about eating or sleeping, I just want to write. My husband supports me a lot, but he also wants me to spend time with him. I'm on the verge of telling him to leave me the hell alone and let me do what I have to do, but that wouldn't be right. Instead, I ask for an hour before dinner.

I just want to write. It's all I can think about. It is the love of my life.

Being at the end of my novel is like being nine months pregnant. The anticipation is killing me. I want to see what my mind gives birth to. Seeing my book in print is my dream. I'm so close, and yet so far. I will be totally amazed when I am officially an author. I'm already a writer, but being an author will be totally different.

Not everyone will understand the way I feel right now. My son's teacher published his first novel and the look on his face when he showed me his creation is the look I cannot wait to have on my face. It's a look of sheer excitement and accomplishment.

I just want to write. I've been a writer all my life. I cannot wait until the day when I am an author. It's the day i've been wanting for a long, long time.


A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Hey sister girl, I'm all over this post. It's mine, except for the getting up at 5:30. I do swing shift, weekly ;-( and aside from the husband part. Everything else is me. My book is finished and I want to hold the real published one in my hands. I don't care it nobody buys it although my parents and my four sisters will but I just want to publish it and move on to the next one. Everything is a story to me, I really want to quit but I only have one income so a girls go to do what a girls got to do. But I want to write damn it!

Keith said...

I feel you and I know exactly how you feel..I feel the same way.
I just want to write.

Strongblkwmn said...

I've always said it wouldn't matter if I only sold one copy. Just seeing my baby in print will be a dream come true.