Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Just Me

So, i'm what our society calls a "plus size," woman. I'm not sure where the plus begins. Is it two plus three or five plus seven or six plus ten? Who decides where the norm ends and the plus begins? That is something that always puzzled me.

I've never been skinny. Even though i'm five feet tall my frame is not small at all. I started to develop before a lot of the girls my age. It was kind of rough but I dealth with it. Boys are not the most gentle creatures and they always had smart remarks. I've never really been what you would call a delicate flower so I always had a comeback ready.

I gained weight after my daughter was born. She's 24 and i'm still losing my baby weight. I was a young mother and thought I could eat anything I want while I was pregnant and it wouldn't matter. Well, she weighed eight pounds and six ounces and I gained way more than that. I could say I regret all that I ate but carrying my first child was such a beautiful experience that I don't regret anything I went through. It was crazy to be a teenager and have the responsibility of bringing a life into the world.

I'm in a good place now but I have had my struggles. There was when I would not wear white because I thought it made me look bigger. I adopted the philosophy that darker colors would make me look smaller. I wouldn't wear purple either. I may sound crazy but I always thought of Barney. I've always had chubby cheeks that I cannot stand. I do, however, love my dimples.

I was never teased about my weight. I'm sure comments were made but no one has ever said anything to my face. I don't stand for that kind of stuff and have never had a problem giving as good as I get. Also, contrary to popular demand, every man does not turn his back on a woman who has some extra weight on her.

Another myth I hate is the one that makes it look like all "plus size" women have low self-esteem and feel bad about themselves. In my opinion, most women have body issues. This is not something that is exclusive to one type of woman or another. Some are able to accept themselves the way they are and others aren't.

The other day I came across the commercial for a show called "More to Love." Boy did that disgust me. This is a show about big women who spend their time crying and complaining about how hard life has been for them because of their weight. They're crying because they want to fall in love and have a "normal" life. After seeing the promo I went online and watched about five minutes of the show. That was all I could stand.

Extra weight doesn't lead to misery. We have to pay a little more for our clothes, but so what. I know how to find stylish clothes and put an outfit together just like any other woman. It is no longer the day of the moo moo. I hate those damned things! It's not hard to have some style. Size does not matter in this instance.

One thing that really bothers me is when people say stupid things like, "You have a pretty face." What the hell does that mean? Is that suppose to be a compliment? Just in case anyone thinks it is i'd like to inform them that it is not. If you're pretty you're pretty. Saying something like that is basically saying your face is nice but the rest of you is messed up.

I love the song, "Beautiful," by Christina Aguilera. I use to play it on my ipod every morning. "I am beautiful no matter what they say." If you look at television and in magazines you would think that all a plus size woman is good for is being some slim chicks sidekick, running after some man who doesn't want her (I hate the Parkers and always will), making fun of herself and how much she eats, or crying over how terrible she feels about her weight. I've had enough of that.

No one will dictate to me how i'm suppose to look or feel. There's no way everyone is suppose to fit into the same mold. Differences are what make life interesting. I don't want to look like anyone else. I like me. If people loved themselves more they wouldn't spend time worrying about others. I'm not "More to Love" i'm just me.


MOMSWEB said...

Thin women have issues also; trust me. We sure do have to love ourselves, don't we? I began truly accepting myself and appreciating JUST ME when I cut all my hair off. I really got in touch with JUST ME.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

It's just the society we live in. I've been guilty of "thinking" - "she has a cute face." I knew it wasn't a compliment because it was an "in spite of the fact that she is heavy, she has a cute face" kinda thought. I didn't think much of it until I had daughters - four in all, and a couple of them are a little chubby, but I try to just encourage them to eat well.

At the end of the day if they, like you, feel good about themselves then I've done my job. Weight comes and goes, and if people haven't noticed, society in general is a lot larger than it was when we were kids.

MsKnowitAll said...

Excellent post! I am a plus sized woman and I agree with everything you wrote.

I remember before I went natural I was nervous about cutting my hair because I just knew my hair would make my face look big. If your face is big, it's big with or without hair! Needless to say, I put my issues aside and cut off all of my hair... and my round face looks just fine.

I agree with your intro... where does the plus begin? LOL... And honestly, why does it exist in the 1st place? It's probably just a ploy for adding that extra $10 to the sale tag... hmmmm

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

When I was young and skinny, I prayed to GOD that I would gain weight. I would never wear shorts or skirts because I hated my legs. Now that I'm older, I now pray that I can loose weight. Others compliment my shape but when I look in the mirror all I see is a gorgeous smile. I don't look from the neck down. I could point out too many flaws to mention here. But what did give me peace was removing the scale. I know longer get on it and I just wear what makes me comfortable. I've never been one to keep up with the latest trend, so I don't even worry if it's in style or not (smile)

We are writers, not fashion statments (smile)

Love ya
Free Spirit

Solomon said...

People are to judgmental. My whole life I could look in the mirror and point out something that I thought needed fixing. In the end I realize that I am who God made me to be and it really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

I'm happy today!

James Tubman said...

i dont think anyone will question your beauty

the fact is it is unhealthy being overweight

being obese takes years off of your lifespan

i dont think black women should go around feeling bad about their extra girth, but i dont think they should think it's something great about being that way either

it just is what it is

Strongblkwmn said...

Hello all. Thanks for the comments.

Momsweb - I've been giving serious thought to cutting my hair. I think I might just go for it.

Rich - Having children always seems to change ones outlook. Good luck raising those girls.

MsKnowitAll - I've been thinking about cutting my hair and had the same concerns. I think i'm going to go for it. Like you said if your face it's round no matter how long or short your hair is. I agree that the plus is an excuse for that extra money on the price tag. LOL!

Butterfly - I'm definitely closer to just being and accepting me than I was a while ago. I still have my issues here and there but I guess we all do.

James - I have some extra weight on me, but i'm actually very healthy. Contrary to popular belief that is possible. I'm definitely not saying women should think it's something great about their extra pounds. I just want to be able to feel great about myself without it being a surprise to others.

The Glamorous WAHM said...

Boy did I need this post. I never had a weight problem until after I had kids. I took the weight off, remarried and had two more children in my mid 30's. I became a stay home mom again and bam the weight! Again.
I am pretty sure my husband does not think I'm beautiful anymore. It was quite evident after a conversation tonight. It wasn't what he said, but what he didn't say. I doesn't help that he has a facebook account, on which he states he's married but doesn't have one picture of me on it.
Needless to say, I'm hurt. On one hand I want to lose the weight and say F*** you. And on the other hand I want to grab a piece of cake and say f*** you! =)

Strongblkwmn said...

Glamorous - I hear what you're saying. I guess it's all about what you want to deal with. My husband has developed a bit of a gut over the years and we've decided to work out and lose together. Maybe you and your husband could do that.

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