Friday, December 11, 2009

I have to find that love again.

I remember when I first started blogging. It was so much fun for me. Everything I heard and saw was fodder for a possible post. I couldn't wait to get to my computer at work in the morning so I could get it started. I blogged every day and never had a problem coming up with topics.

Where has that love gone?

Things are so different now. I barely think about posting and when I do I have no idea what to post about. I'm disappointed. Is it writers block? Lost of interest? I check out some of my favorite blogs and find myself wishing I could come up with things to talk about like others do. I know i'm capable. What the hell is going on?

Have I lost that loving feeling?

I feel like i've deserted something that I worked so hard to get going. It's almost like losing a part of me. I don't like the feeling but I also don't know what to do about it. The blog is called "Tammy's Thoughts." What the hell am I thinking? Am I thinking at all?

Bring back that loving feeling.

At first I blamed it on my newfound Facebook obsession. I was spending more time there than anywhere else. I started updating status first thing in the morning and not going to my blog. I figured that was it. I also found another fun sight that my co-workers laugh about. I figured that was why I hadn't been blogging.


I thought about it and realized that I haven't been editing my book the way I should either. That is unacceptable. I'm slacking and that's not good. Maybe I just need a break........I can't take a break from editing. I have to get my book done. There's always been some sort of connection between my book and my blog.

I'll be back. I'm a writer and it's what I do. There are times when I think that i'm getting so close to having my book done that it's making me nervous. It's what i've wanted all my life but i'm not so sure that i'm ready. This is what I always to do myself. I've been trying to work on it.

Sometimes I feel like a confident woman with no confidence. It's crazy. As soon as I learn to stop being so cautious things will be great. I second guess way too much and I have absolutely no idea why. I guess i've gone through some things in my life that have taught me to expect disappointment.

I'll be back.

I started down a road of soul searching that really helped me learn a lot about myself. Somewhere along the way I got comfortable and stopped looking. I'm getting it back on track and i'm sure i'll be blogging on a constant basis real soon. I miss it.


CurvyGurl ♥ said...

I can totally relate. Seems like quite a few of my blogging buddies have gone a hiatus. I did earlier this year, lost that lovin' feeling. You'll find a spark again. In the meantime, enjoy your weekend and upcoming holidays :-)!

Solomon said...

Just keep it positive and plow forward. I think you're being way to hard on yourself.

Maybe you just have the holiday blues?

CareyCarey said...

Twitter and facebook have their purpose, and a somewhat limited use.

I view blogging as an extention of my personal thought's. In this case, as you said, this blog of yours is called Tammy's Thoughs.

When I started blogging I wrote several posts in which I said I didn't have defined purpose to blog. Like you, I read other blog and wanted to write like several bloggers. But after further review, I had to be me.

They say if a person is going to write a book, they should write about something they know. Well, it would be safe to say that I've lived several lives and in that journey, I remember the good, the bad and the ugly. So I write about that. It's from the heart and I don't have to write like anyone.

I never want my writing to seem contrived. Some call it writing in purple prose or being phony.

Back to a purpose: That's a deep issue. Some bloggers are attention whores and they will admittedly agree with that assessment.

I rarely go out and fish for "commentor". I may drop by my base of followers and tell them I have something for them but if I am looking for a bunch of people to drop by my spot, I may need to check my motives.

Again, motive and purpose is key, in my opinion, for a blogger to check their heart and see if blogging is really right for them.

If it's about expressing yourself in a brave and courageous way... express yourself. If it's about moving a message, play to win.

If it's about inviting a lot of people to your spot, get on your horse and spend hours knocking on doors and telling others who you are. Then be prepared to cultivate those friends with daily visits.

This is not a game for the weak of heart. Neither is it a game for those that don't have a defined purpose or have a tendency to let others define their happiness.

Some people have called some of my posts eccentric. Other posts have been called silly.

You know what, I hope they are all of that and a lot more.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

I could have written this post verbatim. I think one of the problems is that I quietly compete and feel like the thing I want to post about has no real relevance compared to other things I see.

Then I realize that if I were honest I would know that I can't go back to any cute posts, the only place for me to really go is within and really pull back the covers. But I second guess that option, because now, too many people are watching.

It's like you get what you want but then run from it at the same time. Kinda like that finished but not completely edited book you talked about.

Good post

MsKnowitAll said...

i feel this post something terrible!

i know the feeling... all too well... i was told my ex was my muse and it's been a year since we broke up... my blog buttons haven't been pushed in 2009 as they were in previous years...

but blogging be like all cycles (yes i said "be like" - LOL) you will get that old thing back. yet it's necessary to take time off of blogging and work on other projects. i can't wait until your book is finished, published and ready for purchase.